Edward's Breaking Dawn
by EverAfter13
Summary: An in canon retelling of Stephanie Meyers 'Breaking Dawn' from the persepective of the handsome and thoughtful Edward.
1. Engaged

**Author's Note: This is my first fan fictionattempt so pardon me if it's a little rough. I'm just beginning my foray back into creative writing. That being said, this is the first chapter of Edward's Breaking Dawn. I find him to be one of the most fascinating characters I've ever come across in literature and always wondered what he would be thinking through each of the books. This is just my humble attempt at capturing some of what I always wanted to read. Please enjoy... and Please review! Honest feedback is greatly appreciated! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything unfortunately, but have borrowed the lovely Stephanie Meyer's characters and story for this little endeavor. All dialog and storylines from Breaking Dawn belong to her and no copyright infringement is intended.**

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**Edward's Breaking Dawn**

Chapter One: Engaged

I leaned lazily against a large redwood as I watched Emmett play with his food. Typically he went for grizzlies but they had been hard pressed to find on this trip. Instead he was toying with an angry buck with a large and impressive set of antlers. Hardly a challenge but Emmett was like a five year old who enjoyed the activities leading up to lunch time almost as much as the actual feeding time. I had been lucky and downed a large mountain lion and added a couple of deer along with him for good measure. I could never be too full around Bella even if deer weren't particularly appetizing.

"Emmett, must you play with your food?" I asked in exasperation. He flashed his boyish grin in reply.

_Chill out Edward… just having a little fun. You've been too preoccupied lately to be interested in any wrestling so let me play a little._

I thought idly about how angry Emmett must have made the buck in order for it to actually turn and fight. Usually the predatory vibe we gave off was more than enough to scare away even the fiercest of bucks. There was a loud crack as Emmett met the animal's charge with only half his strength. I sighed… this was going to take awhile. I let my thoughts drift to the more pleasant subject of my sweet Bella.

I had left her early this morning with a kiss and a promise to return to her later this evening. It tore at me to leave her so soon but thought it best to be gone before Charlie could discover his only daughter wrapped tightly in my arms. Even with his grudging acceptance and blessing of our engagement, his patience was not to be tested now with the wedding so close. I chuckled softly as I recalled the memory of Charlie receiving the news…

****

I waited in the living room listening closely as I heard Charlie turn onto the street, it would only be a few minutes now. I glanced down at the lovely little hand that rested in mine and felt a surge of pride and joy come over me as the light sparkled off my mother's ring almost winking at me. It had been a perfect fit and I had taken it as a good sign. A sign that maybe, just maybe I was worthy of the love that the beautiful creature beside me had graced me with. As the sound of Charlie's cruiser alerted Bella to his return she began to twitch her hand and bounce her leg nervously. I grinned inwardly; she looked so guilty as if she's done something wrong. This was something I knew she had not been looking forward to, but could she really be that anxious? Surely she knew that everyone around us could see the intense love we shared. Even Charlie knew that this was going to be coming, though admittedly he hadn't thought it would happen this soon. I heard snippets of his thoughts as he saw my car already parked in front of the house.

_Of course… he's always…play nice…for Bella._

His thoughts were not clear as other people, but the irritation was quite evident. Beside me Bella continued to shake out a beat resembling William Tell's 'Overture' with her leg.

"Stop fidgeting, Bella. Please try to remember that you're not confessing to a murder here."

I carefully gripped her hand firmly trying to reassure her; also to keep her from shoving her hand in her pocket, and in the process trying to hide the ring.

"Easy for you to say," she tensely replied.

Her heart rate picked up it's pace beating wildly as she listened to Charlie approaching the house and maneuvering to open the door. I looked at her with concern, she really needed to calm down; her blood pressure was getting far too high for my liking.

"Calm down, Bella," I whispered reassuringly.

The door hit the wall with a bang as Charlie came into the house and Bella nearly leaped off her seat. I suppressed a chuckle at her jumpiness. Into the lion's den we go, I thought to myself.

"Hey Charlie," I called genially, as there was no sense in putting it off. At the sound of my voice, his irritation grew more pronounced.

"No!" Bella protested quietly but with fervor.

"What?" I whispered back.

"Wait till he hangs his gun up!"

This time I could not suppress a chuckle as I thought about Charlie actually taking a shot at me. It was one of the more tame things he had thought about me from time to time. Of course the bullet would incur more damage than I, but it would be hard to explain to Charlie why his bullet bounced off my skin.

"Hey, kids. What's up?" he asked with forced friendliness.

"We'd like to talk to you," I said calmly. "We have some good news."

Good news hardly seemed to be the appropriate term. This was joyous and glorious news! I could barely contain the grin that wanted to plaster itself all over my face as I thought of the fact that Bella, my beautiful Bella, had agreed to marry me. Instantly his thoughts switched from irritation to suspicion and anger. I could hear his heart rate increase tenfold until it matched Bella's.

"Good news?" he growled staring straight at Bella.

"Have a seat, Dad."

He eyed Bella with one brow raised and stalked over to a recliner and sat rigidly. His thoughts began to race and I could catch no more than a few words and images, none of them were making any sense.

"Don't get all worked up, Dad," Bella implored after a moment of tense silence. "Everything is okay."

I furrowed my brow at the way she had phrased it. 'Okay' did not began to express how things were, but I knew Charlie required sensitive handling at this moment and bit back the words I wanted to say. He was becoming increasingly agitated and I could now clearly see the veins in his throat pounding furiously. One didn't have to have Jasper's ability to see that Charlie was very close to cracking. His thoughts continued to race but I could hear the words more clearly as they seemed to be screaming through his mind. I focused so intensely on discerning the thoughts that were now so close in my grasp that I lost track of the conversation. I felt a sharp increase in heat as Bella leaned into me and then suddenly like a curtain being opened to let in streaming light, Charlie's thoughts suddenly sharpened and clarified.

_PREGNANT!!! HE GOT HER PREGNANT!! I'LL KILL THE COCKY SON OF……_

"You're pregnant!" he shouted. His explosion interrupted the stream of thoughts from his mind. He had turned his glare to me as more images of violence poured through his head, most of them involving myself, a body bag, and a very deep ditch.

"No! Of course I'm not!" Bella shouted back indignantly.

His thoughts immediately became more calm and reasonable but I knew that we were not out of the woods.

"Oh. Sorry."

"Apology accepted."

I gave an internal sigh. This was not how I had wanted to approach this. Ideally I would have gone to Charlie first to request the honor of Bella's hand. If I was being honest with myself I would have done right after Alice's first visions of a wedding, but circumstances had not allowed for that course of action. I railed at the thought that I had been less than a gentleman in this regard, but these were different times, and perhaps he wouldn't think me too much of a cad for neglecting to secure his permission first. I looked to my Bella and smiled at her loss of words, this was taking quite a toll on her. My poor angel, I couldn't stand to have her in this much discomfort any longer. I turned to Charlie and locked my eyes onto his and spoke in the most reassuring and sincere voice I could muster,

"Charlie, I realize that I've gone about this out of order. Traditionally, I should have asked you first. I mean no disrespect, but since Bella has already said yes and I don't want to diminish her choice in the matter, instead of asking you for her hand, I'm asking you for your blessing. We're getting married, Charlie. I love her more than anything in the world, more than my own life, and – by some miracle – she loves me that way, too. Will you give us your blessing?"

I had to marvel at the truth of my words as I spoke them. Bella's love for me truly matched my own for her and it seemed impossible that this unique and lovely woman beside me could love such a thing as myself. It seemed impossible that she had chosen me over all others and was going to forsake a human existence to remain at my side forever. And yet the trials we had passed through to get to this point were proof of our commitment to each other… proof that nothing, not even death or my own stupidity would ever wrench us apart again.

I watched Charlie carefully as he broke our eye contact and stared at the ring glinting on Bella's perfect hand. His thoughts raged inside my head becoming crystal clear again, though slightly incoherent as he processed the information.

_MARRIED! TO HIM! BUT…NOT GOOD ENOUGH… NO ONE GOOD ENOUGH! SHE'S TOO YOUNG! SHE'LL END UP LIKE ME AND RENEE! TOO YOUNG!!! _

I felt Bella shift to stand up as Charlie's skin ran the color spectrum. I gripped her hand firmly and quietly requested she "Give him a minute." His thoughts were already calming and he knew that exploding in rage would do nothing but drive his beloved only daughter away. I grimaced at his thought, I knew that she was going to be taken away from him soon anyways but quickly brushed it aside so I could focus on his mind more clearly. He looked up from the ring to stare as the two of us and I placed my other hand over Bella's as if to reassure him of my words again.

_SO young… and did it have to be him? HE'S HURT HER BEFORE! SHE WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN! But how could I keep them apart knowing what being without him will do to her? He seems to be sincere, I know he loves her… and she loves him. She's such a constant little thing. Not like Renee at all. She's young but has always been so mature. I suppose he could take care of her… comes from a good family at least. Maybe… maybe it can work… couldn't they have waited…._

"Guess I'm not that surprised," he finally acquiesced breaking through his internal argument. "Knew I'd have to deal with something like this soon enough."

I felt Bella give a huge sigh of relief.

"You're sure about this?" he demanded, not completely satisfied and requiring more reassurance.

"I'm one hundred percent sure of Edward," she replied without hesitation. I felt a warm glow of love at her words, though I hadn't missed the fact that she'd omitted words about the actual act of marriage. Charlie didn't miss it either and his suspicious mind reared again.

"Getting married, though? What's the rush?" he pressed.

Charlie knew as well as I did of Bella's aversion to marriage. I knew Bella would have difficultly defending the choice of marriage when she had spent so much time and energy trying to convince me that she didn't need a wedding to be sure of our bond… I however, positively craved to call her my wife. Every time I thought of her as my fiancée and had to restrain myself from jumping up and proclaiming to the world my happiness and love. And Bella in her selfless way was indulging me by binding herself to me in the most basic and human way possible. Of course it would be very difficult to explain to Charlie that the depths of my love for his daughter knew no bound and I couldn't bear to wait much longer to make the link between us official. I instead opted for an explanation that was logical and hard for him to contradict.

"We're going away to Dartmouth together in the fall, Charlie. I'd like to do that, well, the right way. It's how I was raised," I told him as I shrugged my shoulders. It was the truth I thought to myself. I was taught to respect and honor a lady and living in sin with one was certainly conduct unbecoming of a gentlemen. He could hardly argue with that.

"Knew this was coming," he muttered. He withdrew into himself and thought hard about the situation he'd been handed.

_Damn… I guess there was nothing I could do to prevent this. She's made up her mind and Lord knows you can't change it. Hmm… she's still got to tell Renee… and we all know how Renee feels about young marriages. And marriages in general for that matter! Ha, I can be the good guy on this one and be the supportive loving Dad! Renee will be the one to burst the bubble!!! She'll be the bad cop on this one! HA!_

"Ha! Ha, ha, ha!" his laughter roared from his thoughts causing Bella to jump in surprise at this most unexpected reaction.

I felt my face tighten as I struggled to maintain my composure though the threat of laughing continued to grow as his thoughts ran through my mind. Charlie was pinning the hopes of censure on Renee! I, as it so happened, knew for a fact that Renee was already expecting the news. Her thoughts were crystal clear during our trip to Florida and I knew that she had already decided to support Bella. In fact… she thought me to be "quite a find" as her mind had put it. I felt peals of laughter breaking in me as I thought of how sorely disappointed Charlie would be at Renee's reaction. Bella looked to me for explanation but I couldn't say anything at the risk of exploding with laughter myself.

"Okay fine. Get married," he spluttered out and shook with laughter again. "But…."

"But what?" Bella demanded.

I finally had to grin a little as Charlie pulled out what he thought was his ace in the hole.

"But _you_ have to tell your mom! I'm not saying one word to Renee! That's all yours!"

And he once again dissolved into an uproarious laugh. My, but he was going to be disappointed and furious!

***

My thoughts were rudely interrupted as I instinctually ducked when a large boulder went sailing over my head and gouged out a large chunk of the tree trunk I was leaning against. I crouched low and immediately found Emmett shaking with laughter 50 yards away, apparently he had finished lunch. Without wasting a second I launched myself and as I crashed into him I caught his pleased thoughts that he'd finally provoked me into a match.

We had rolled around in the forest muck for awhile until I was finally able to pin him.

"That's 10 seconds, Emmett. He got you!" called a steady voice with a slight southern twang to it. Jasper had finished his hunt as well and caught the back end of our wrestling match.

I released Emmett from the hold and smirked at the annoyance that spread all over his face.

"No way was that 10 seconds, Jasper! You counted too fast and Edward cheated!"

"Come on Emmett… its okay that you were bested by your baby brother!" Jasper teased clearly enjoying Emmett's defeat.

"Two against one, big brother. It seems you're overruled!" I taunted joining Jasper on the ledge he was perched on.

Emmett's thoughts roiled with chagrin and he considered taking both of us on but relented promising himself to get us back later.

"You know whatever plan you cook up, Alice will see," I provoked.

_We'll see little brother… we'll see._

I laughed quietly and glanced at my watch hoping that time had passed quickly during our shenanigans. I groaned loudly as I noted only 15 minutes had passed. This day was going to be torturous. I wasn't going to see my lovely Bella until later tonight. I couldn't help but worry when I was away from her. Although Alice had reassured me with a solid vision this morning of nothing worse than Bella being annoyed with Alice and wedding business, I still was unable to completely quell the concern I felt

Jasper sighed as he fell the anxiety roll off me in waves.

_Relax Edward… it's only day. She'll be fine._

"You know her Jasper… she's a magnet for trouble. With her luck she'd crash her car into a tree." But even as I replied I could feel the calm spread through me. I looked at Jasper and he dipped his head slightly in acknowledgment.

"Come on, Edward. Be realistic," Emmett scoffed as he heard my reply to Jasper. "She's in 'The Tank'. Even if she did crash, the tree would sustain a lot more damage than her or the car!"

He seemed to grin at the thought before he laughed out loud. To my surprise I heard Jasper began to chuckle along with Emmett, both of them thinking about Bella in the car I had acquired for her and the events that had taken place in order for it to happen.

As luck would have it, not long after Bella and I made our compromise, her relic of a truck shuddered to a standstill. She was immediately suspicious of the timing and had questioned whether I had any involvement in its demise. I assured her that I did not, and technically I didn't. It had been Rosalie who had sent the old Chevy to its grave. She'd come back to the house one evening covered in grime and holding various innards of the truck and made no attempt to shield her thoughts from me.

_If she's going to be a Cullen she should at least drive a better car. I simply can't have people associating that dumpy truck with us._

Despite Rosalie's reasoning, I knew she was trying her best to accept Bella into the family and this was her way of showing it. Regardless of the circumstances, I was more than willing to take advantage of her agreement in allowing me to replace the car when the time came. She had never explicitly stated that I couldn't get her two cars so she really had no grounds to be angry with me when I told her about the 'before' car and the 'after' car. The latter she was not allowed to see until after the change. But until she was more durable I could hardly be blamed for wanting to ensure her safety as much as possible and with Bella's luck and coordination, every precaution must be taken. The head of the private security agency assured me that The Guardian Mercedes was more than up to the task. He had wondered why such a car would be needed in Forks, Washington, but knew that Cullen's were the kind of high paying clients one doesn't ask questions of. Jasper and Emmett had been quite amused when they saw The Guardian for the first time. Emmett had immediately dubbed it 'The Tank' and had laughed for nearly an hour straight as he thought of Bella roaming around the small town in enough steel to take out…well pretty much anything that stood in her path.

Bella, of course, had not been too pleased when she'd seen the car. She was even less pleased to accept the black American Express card. I'd reasoned with her that the Mercedes required a high grade fuel that was more expensive and it was only fair that I pay for it. I had practically glowed with satisfaction seeing her take the card with her soon to be legal name: Isabella Marie Cullen.

"Edward! Snap out of it!" Emmett shouted drawing my attention back to the present.

_Good Lord he's always daydreaming now. Hope it stops after the wedding! It's getting to be really annoying._

"Come on, race you gents back to the house," Emmett challenged.

"Emmett," Jasper sighed. "You know no one ever beats Edward."

"That's only because I've been holding back. Come on… last one has to go shopping with the girls next time!"

I smiled slightly at Emmett's competitive nature; everything had to be a competition with him. But racing back sounded good. I grinned at my brothers as we all instantly shot off into the forest. I was racing back to Bella. Yes… that was worth racing for.


	2. Bachelor Part, Cullen Style

**Authors Note: So I'm beginning to realize how difficult this is going to be. The deeper I dive into Edward's character, the longer I find it takes to write his reactions. But hopefully this is on the right path. I think ones of the hardest parts is figuring out what the other character's thoughts would be. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy this next chapter and as always... please review...I like them alot!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything unfortunately, but have borrowed the lovely Stephanie Meyer's characters and story for this little endeavor. All dialog and storylines from Breaking Dawn belong to her and no copyright infringement is intended.**

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Chapter 2: Bachelor Party, Cullen Style

I was settled comfortably on Bella's bed reveling in the heat that radiated off her body. The scent I'd grown so accustomed to over the past year and a half swirled around me filling my senses and slightly fogging my mind. I could never fully explain to Bella the effect she had on me… I was intoxicated by her mere presence. I listened to the quiet and reassuring sound of her heart beating steadily. She shifted her head up from my chest and snuggled into the space between my neck and shoulder. My body tingled with flames of pleasure at her bare skin on mine.

"I miss you already," she sighed forlornly.

"I don't need to leave. I can stay…." I replied instantly. If it were up to me I would never leave her side again.

I was unable to ignore the urge to touch her as I leaned my head down and shifted her up to eye level. I buried my face into her soft throat and lightly skimmed my nose along her delicate jaw delighting in the sweet fragrance. The aroma of her was so much more intense at her throat and I felt my muscles tighten. I needed to tread with great care. Recently it had become more and more difficult to restrain the human urges in my body that were now fully awake from their long dormant slumber.

"Mmm," the soft sound escaped from Bella as her lips parted slightly.

I couldn't resist the invitation and softly brushed my lips over hers feeling the beautiful texture and indulging in the shock of pleasure that snaked its way through my body. She responded with enthusiasm and her heart began to thud loudly in my ears as her breathing became uneven and came out in gasps. Encouraged by her response I eagerly pressed my lips to hers tasting the incredible flavor and feeling the skin give beneath the pressure of my mouth. There was nothing in the world that compared to kissing Bella. The fire she ignited deep in the core of my being was overwhelming. Suddenly I had a strong desire to feel more of her skin. My hand slid up her arm and traced her delicate collarbone until it rested lightly on her throat. The heat of her pulsing blood drew me in, it was hypnotic and I needed to remember to maintain control.

I pulled back slightly and looked at the angelic face that was before me. I couldn't help but take in the quiet beauty of her soft features. The gentle curve of her jaw and graceful arches of her cheeks bones were exquisite. I didn't know by whose grace I was allowed to have Bella. That I of all people was being permitted to keep her for all eternity, but I would never again question the fate that set us on our course together.

As if sensing my intense gaze, Bella opened her eyes and I once again felt myself falling into their depths. I could look into those eyes forever and still discover new facets that I'd not noticed before; the subtle hints of gold that were scattered across a chocolate brown canvas, like stars twinkling out from a midnight sky. It seemed impossible to me that she could not see what a miraculous creature she was, but then Bella always seemed to have a blind spot when it came to looking at herself.

Suddenly she pulled me forward to her face again and touched our lips together with such tenderness that my heart swelled with hope and love. The air seemed to vibrate with the flood of emotions that swirled around us.

"Definitely staying," I whispered into her ear when we pulled slightly apart.

"No, no. It's your bachelor party. You have to go," she insisted, but her hands twisted in my hair and pulled me closer, clearly telling me it was the last thing she wanted.

"Bachelor parties are designed for those who are sad to see the passing of their single days. I couldn't be more eager to have mine behind me. So there's really no point."

"True," she replied thoughtfully.

The whole thing had been Emmett's idea and I was only indulging my big brother because I knew how much he would enjoy a night of male Cullen bonding. Next to being with Rosalie, he was happiest when it was just his 'boys'. It was because of that I couldn't deny Emmett his fun when he had proposed the outing. Even so, it would be very difficult to extract myself from Bella's embrace.

As if to reinforce my wishes to stay with her, Bella reached out and placed her hand over my bare chest and drew a light trail down, pausing when she reached my stomach. My body reacted instantly as I felt waves of desire overtake the rational side of my mind. I was reeling from the sheer pleasure that her touch invoked in me and before I could restrain myself I crushed my lips onto hers, mindful of the amount of pressure I applied. Just when I felt myself to be in control of the impulses that struggled to break free, Bella's mouth suddenly opened to me and I felt a blast of searing heat as she touched her slick tongue to my lips. Sheer ecstasy flowed over me and I sighed allowing myself to revel in it for only moment before I reluctantly forced myself to pull away before we both got carried away.

"Wait," Bella demanded as she quickly tightened herself to me and wrapped one of her legs around my waist. "Practice makes perfect."

I ignored the trickle of venom that formed in my mouth at the sudden intimate nature of our embrace and had to laugh at her attempt to reason with me.

"Well, we should be fairly close to perfection by this point, then, shouldn't we? Have you slept at all in the last month?" I asked playfully trying to lighten the physical tension I felt.

"But this is dress rehearsal," she insisted seriously, "and we've only practices certain scenes. It's no time for playing safe."

My body tensed as recalled with crystal clarity the previous nights spent in her bed. Nights that had been testing my self control in ways I never imagined. The memories were both terrifying and thrilling. So many times I'd been close to losing control and narrowly restrained myself. My less noble side insisted that I'd done well and could surely push it further, I could show her how in control I could be; show her the things I wanted to do for her…. Stop! I snapped myself back to the reality that I could hurt my lovely Bella in my passions. I could hurt the most important thing in the world to me. I had to make her understand… she needed to know how dangerous I still was.

"Bella… "

"Shh!" she silenced me with a kiss. I couldn't reject such a gift, but held myself back knowing how easily I could slip and let the desire take over. I needed to distract her from this course of action she seemed set upon tonight.

"How are your feet?" I asked hoping to change the subject even as my body screamed to continue kissing her.

"Toasty warm," she smiled back.

"Really? No second thoughts? It's not too late to change your mind."

"Are you trying to ditch me?" she asked playfully.

I chuckled softly at the idea of me ever wanting to change my mind about spending the rest of my existence with the most perfect being ever to grace the world. If only there was a way for us to be together without having to take away Bella's humanity.

"Just making sure. I don't want you to do anything you're not sure about.

"I'm sure about you. The rest I can live through."

Will she really be able to, I thought. Did she really understand the full extent of the consequences that came with her change? She had insisted repeatedly that her choice was to be with me regardless of the sacrifices, but sometimes I wondered…

"Can you?" I asked quietly. "I don't mean the wedding – which I'm positive you will survive despite your qualms – but afterward…what about Renee, what about Charlie?"

She sighed, "I'll miss them."

"Angela and Ben and Jessica and Mike," I reminded her of the friends that she would be giving up as well.

"I'll miss my friends too," she admitted. I saw her smile mischievously in the dark.

"Especially Mike. Oh, Mike! How will I go on?"

A small growl escaped from me before I could stop it. His name alone was enough to trigger jealous feelings. Even with the engagement, his foolish fantasies had continued to focus on Bella much to my chagrin. Bella's musical laugh washed over me instantly calming my anger.

"Edward, we've been through this and through this. I know it will be hard, but this is what I want. I want you, and I want you forever. One lifetime is simply not enough for me."

Nor would it be enough for me, I thought. Part of me delighted in the fact that she wanted me always; that she would soon be joined at my side, bonded for all time. She would remain the Bella that lay in my arms forever, just as she was now…constant.

"Frozen forever at eighteen," I mused quietly.

"Every woman's dream come true," she replied with amusement.

"Never changing… never moving forward." I could see where I was guiding the conversation, towards a topic we had never discussed and perhaps something she'd never considered. Would this be the thing that truly showed her what she was giving up?

"What does that mean?"

"Do you remember when we told Charlie we were getting married? And he thought you were… pregnant?"

"And he thought about shooting you," she laughed. "Admit it – for one second, he honestly considered it."

She hadn't quiet caught on to what I was getting at. I knew that for Rosalie and Esme it had been a particularly difficult aspect of their immortality to accept. Bella had never mentioned anything about it before and I wondered how she felt. It was one of my greatest regrets that I could not even give her the option.

"What, Edward?" she finally prompted when I didn't answer.

"I just wish… well, I wish that he'd been right."

"Gah," she gasped in response.

"More that there was some way he _could_ have been. That we had that kind of potential. I _hate_ taking that away from you, too."

She paused and then said, "I know what I'm doing."

"How could you know that, Bella? Look at my mother, look at my sister. It's not as easy a sacrifice as you imagine."

"Esme and Rosalie get by just fine. If it's a problem later, we can do what Esme did - we'll adopt."

I sighed in frustration. It wasn't fair. Bella should have everything the world could give her and more. I wanted to give her everything and it infuriated me that I couldn't.

"It's not _right_! I don't want you to have to make sacrifices for me. I want to give you things, not take them away from you. I don't want to steal your future. If I were human -"

She placed one delicate finger over my lips to quiet my outburst.

"_You_ are my future. Now stop. No moping, or I'm calling your brothers to come and get you. Maybe you _need_ a bachelor party."

"I'm sorry. I am moping, aren't I? Must be the nerves," I replied. She was right of course. This should be a happy time for the two of us and I was over thinking things again.

"Are _your_ feet cold?"

"Not in that sense. I've been waiting a century to marry you, Miss Swan. The wedding ceremony is one thing I can't wait--"

Suddenly I heard a set of unmistakable voices in my head.

_I hope we're not interrupting anything too private…though the emotions I'm getting don't seem to indicate that. He won't be happy though, even less so if Emmett doesn't behave himself._

_Little Bro…I know you can hear me. Don't make me drag you out._

"Oh, for the love of all that's holy!"

"What's wrong?"

"You don't have to call my brothers. Apparently Emmet and Jasper are not going to let me bow out tonight," I said through gritted teeth.

_Damn straight you're not bailing on us! Say your good-byes before I drag your sorry butt out of there!_

I heard Emmett leap up onto the roof and land lightly beside th window.

Bella gave me squeeze before she said, "Have fun."

_Ha! His shirt is off…that's not so gentlemanly Edward! Rosalie is going to get a kick out of this!_

He placed his razor sharp fingernails on the glass and let them rake across sending shivers down Bella's spine.

"If you don't send Edward out," Emmett threatened, "we're coming in after him!"

_Sorry Edward…he's in rare form tonight. There's no controlling him, I've already tried._

"Go," Bella laughed. "_Before_ they break my house."

I rolled my eyes as I quickly hopped out of the bed and threw my shirt back on ignoring Emmett's chiding thoughts about my physique. I leaned down and kissed Bella's forehead tenderly.

"Get to sleep. You've got a big day tomorrow."

"Thanks! That's sure to help me wind down."

"I'll meet you at the alter."

"I'll be the one in white," she replied back trying to sound offhand.

"Very convincing," I chuckled.

_Wrap it up lover boy!_

Emmett was going to be very sorry, very soon. As I leaped out the window I caught Emmett around the waist taking him with me as we tumbled off the roof. He landed with great force under me and his shape sunk a few inches into the sod.

"Shit!" he grunted in displeasure at being trounced in my surprise attack.

"You better not make him late," Bella murmured to my brothers from her room.

_There's no way he'll be late… Alice would tear me to shreds. My goodness, she is a ball of anxiety._

Jasper sprung easily to her window and tried to reassure her.

"Don't worry, Bella. We'll get him home in plenty of time."

"Jasper?" I heard her ask. "What do vampires do for bachelor parties? You're not taking him to a strip club, are you?"

"Don't tell her anything!" Emmett growled to Jasper.

I shot my fist out and sent him sprawling on his backside again. Instantly payback plans began formulating in his head and I had to chuckle at his annoyance.

"Relax," Jasper told Bella as he calmed her emotions. "We Cullen's have our own version. Just a few mountain lions, a couple of grizzly bears. Pretty much an ordinary night out."

"Thanks, Jasper."

Emmett rolled his eyes at Jasper the second he landed next to us.

"Well brothers, let's get this horse show on the road," he grinned as he slapped his hand on my back with more force than necessary. "Carlisle is waiting for us."

It was many hours later since I left Bella, and the four of us sat circled around a roaring fire deep in the wilderness of Washington. The fire was, of course completely unnecessary as we neither got cold nor needed the light to see each other, but Emmett had insisted it was part of setting the mood for 'man bonding' as he put it. As reluctant as I'd initially been, I had to admit that I was enjoying this time with my brothers and father.

"Did you see the size of that grizzly I took down?" Emmett enthused as he recalled the mammoth male bear he'd spent the better part of two hours toying with.

We all laughed as he began regaling us with a blow by blow retelling of the fight. I myself felt almost too full. I'd been able to track down two mountain lions and even indulged in a small brown bear. We'd been finished hunting for some time and were now simply enjoying each others company until it was time to head back. It wouldn't be too long now; already my sensitive eyes could pick up the beginning particles of light that were coming from the east. I sat pensively as I thought about the events that would soon take place. I was anxious for my claim on Bella's affections to be official… but I was more anxious about fulfilling my side of our bargain.

"You've been rather quite tonight Edward," Carlisle observed.

"Have I? Hmm… I apologize, Carlisle. I didn't realize."

"Are you nervous about the wedding, son?"

"No," I laughed. "That is the one thing I'm definitely not nervous about."

Jasper turned to study me. _He nervous about something…it's pouring out of him._

"_I_ know what he's nervous about. You don't need to be a mind reader to figure that out," Emmett smirked at me. Carlisle and Jasper looked at him quizzically.

_Perhaps some brotherly advice would be in order? You know I have more than enough experience in that area!_

I cringed as images of Rosalie and Emmett in various intimate situations began filtering through his mind and he laughed loudly at my reaction.

"Emmett, what ever you're doing, please stop. The level of Edward's discomfort is enough to make me sick," Jasper said.

"I was only trying to instruct him on the finer points of the physical relationship with a woman," he insisted with a devilish grin. "After all, we know that Edward is the oldest virgin in existence. You'd probably qualify for the Guinness Book of World Records."

I snatched up the nearest rock and quickly chucked it at him. There was a loud crack as the rock shattered on Emmett's skull. He only chuckled in response.

"Aw… come on little brother, I was only joking! But you really should pay attention. If all you've done is take off your shirt, your wedding night is going to be a huge shock to your system," he said through his laughter.

_Seriously, Edward. You really do need to prepare yourself._

I sighed in exasperation… I knew that Emmett really was trying to help, in his own twisted way.

"Now boys, please behave your selves. It's Edward's last night as a bachelor and we should be sensitive to the challenges his unique situation presents," Carlisle said in his typical calming manner.

_Is there anything more you'd like to discuss with me, son?_

I shook my head slightly in response to Carlisle's question. We'd already spoken about the matter at length and he had tried to explain to me what I might expect. He'd reasoned that my vampiric reactions would not be as difficult to contain as the human desires considering how immune to her blood I'd become. But he cautioned that I would still have to be mindful of that aspect as I'd be closer to Bella than ever before. Still, he saw my strength as the greatest threat to Bella's safety. Carlisle had warned me that it wasn't only our physical attributes and senses that were amplified in the change but also the level at which we felt the pulls of desire and emotion. According to Carlisle, physical love was one of the most intense things a vampire could feel and it should not be treated lightly.

I trusted my father's evaluation of what my biggest challenges would be, but he had been a vampire for hundreds of years and had mastered control over his desires long ago. As much as I didn't want to give Emmett any more reason to tease me… he was the one with the most recent experience of feeling the act of physical love as a vampire for the first time. But I knew that I needed to arm myself with as much information possible in order to make myself safe for Bella. Her safety was worth enduring the merciless teasing that would no doubt follow the conversation I was about the start. I looked over to Carlisle for some reassurance, and he smiled encouragingly guessing at what I was about to do. Jasper looked up from the fire to my face alerted by the sudden increase in anxiety around me.

"Emmett," I began breaking the silence that had fallen over the camp. He looked up at me expectantly. "I was hoping you might…" I paused as I searched for the right words that wouldn't set him off. "That you might, share with me what it was like when you first… I mean…just so I would…" I broke off into stutters unable to choke the rest of my sentence out.

He looked at me with a surprising amount of sympathy. _Lordy… he really is that nervous about it. Hmm… maybe I've been giving him too hard of a time. _

"What it was like the first time I was physical with Rosalie?" he finished for me with knowing laugh.

"Well, I don't think you need to be too detailed," Jasper interrupted. _The last thing we need is a play by play of Emmett and Rosalie's 'activities'. I don't think I could stomach that._

Emmett ran his fingers through his hair absently as he considered the best way to explain. I could tell from his thoughts that he sincerely wanted to help.

"I guess the best way to describe the overall experience is overwhelming. Nothing else matters at that point. I think I could have been set on fire an still not noticed," he chuckled. "The sensations are very intense but very enjoyable."

"In fact," Emmett continued, "I would say that the pleasure is only second to drinking human blood." Jasper nodded his head in agreement with Emmett's words.

My hopes began to fall at the information I'd just received. How could I ever control myself enough? I had a hard enough time restraining myself when we were fully clothed. I would never be safe… how could I deserve Bella's eternal commitment when I couldn't even give her the one thing she'd asked me for? My head sunk in to my arms as I wallowed in self disgust. Suddenly I felt Carlisle's arm around my shoulders.

"Edward, my son… I have complete confidence in you. There's no one else better suited to handle such a challenge," my father reassured.

"You belong together," Jasper said. "I've rarely felt emotions as strong as the ones you and Bella have for each other. I don't believe you could ever hurt her."

I looked up at the faces of my family; they were so confident in me, so sure that I could handle this. Perhaps this was another one of the times where I was over think things. I'd already done the impossible of resisting her blood and maybe this would be the same. I had made a promise to my beautiful Bella… and I had to be strong enough to keep it.

I straightened my shoulders and nodded to them. I wouldn't let my family or Bella down.

Emmett let out a loud groan of annoyance. _Trust Edward to turn this into a therapy session!_

"All right! Now that we've spilled our guts and got all emotional and officially turned into sissy Nancy boys, can we get this trip back on track? I swear Edward… you're the only man who would ever be this much of pansy about getting laid for the first time!" he grinned and I sensed his resolve on jokes about my virtue had dissipated. This was going to be a very long trip back home.

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**Okay... until the next chapter, please review!!! Thanks!**


	3. United

**Author's Note****: This chapter was very difficult to write… but it was also very fun. There were a lot of blanks to fill in as Bella didn't see Edward until the ceremony and I hope that I've filled them well. Please let me know what you think about the latest installment.**

**Disclaimer****: I don't own anything unfortunately, but have borrowed the lovely Stephanie Meyer's characters and story for this little endeavor. All dialog and storylines from Breaking Dawn belong to her and no copyright infringement is intended.**

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Chapter 3: Big Day

Emmett had been intolerable on the ride back home to Forks. Even Carlisle, with his infinite patience for the less desirable personality traits of his adopted sons, looked as though he was ready to throw himself out the door of the jeep. Poor Jasper had to deal with a double dose of unpleasant emotions that were intensified by the close quarters. Emmett had spent the last 4 ½ hours of the trip home alternating between hurling insults and double entendres at me regarding my impending 'deflowering' as he had gleefully put it at one point, to taking it upon himself to provide the musical entertainment. I couldn't decide what was worse… hell it seemed, was being locked in a car with Emmett. I sighed in relief as the familiar woods surrounding Forks came into view. A sudden wave of anticipation came over me as the reality hit that it was only a matter of hours before I would take Bella as my wife. An uncontrollable smile broke out over my face as I thought about the vows I would soon be taking. I was euphoric and had it been possible, my heart would have been racing with joy.

Jasper also broke into a smile, unable to resist the flood of happy emotions that was emanating from me. _Thanks Edward… I don't know how much more of that I could take._

We pulled into the 3 mile drive that led up to the house and I saw that Alice had already left her mark here. Adorning the trees lining the road were the lights from our graduation party and large white satin bows. I smelled the house long before I could actually see it. Alice must have really gone overboard on the flowers. It seemed that she had cleverly tried to recreate Bella's unique floral scent as much as possible. I had to hand it to her… she'd come pretty close. Even with the overwhelming array of scents that swirled around our home I could easily pick out the one I'd been waiting for. Bella's lovely scent stood out above all the rest. It pleased me that the venom didn't even react anymore to picking up her delectable aroma.

_Your grinning like an idiot, you know that right? _Emmett rolled his eyes at my expression as we parked in the garage.

"Funny, that's what I always think about you when you're around Rosalie," I shot back with a laugh.

_Oh good, the boys are back. Edward, will you let Jasper know that he needs to go pick up Renee and Phil from their hotel after he's dressed? Oh, and can you, Emmett, and Carlisle join me outback?_

Esme's thoughts were musical and overflowing with joy. I couldn't tell who was more excited between the two of us. I relayed Esme's requests to the rest and Jasper disappeared swiftly into the main house. I could barely believe my eyes as I approached the backyard.

The large trees surrounding our property kept the reception area safely shaded from the sun that had made an appearance today. Thousands of twinkling lights adorned the trees and a large white tent dominated the space. There were flowers and candles as far as the eye could see and among it all was Esme scurrying around making adjustments. The content on her face was obvious and I heard Carlisle chuckling and shaking his head slightly as he took in the spectacle.

"They went a little overboard, didn't they?" he commented affectionately.

"It is a little overwhelming, isn't it?" I responded, somewhat stunned.

Esme flitted to my side. She was practically glowing with happiness.

"Do you like it Edward? I know it's a little much, but I have a feeling that you two will only do this once and Alice and I wanted to make it special."

I drew her into a tight embrace trying to express the things I knew I wouldn't be able to put into words.

"It's perfect Mom. Thank you."

She beamed at me in response. I knew she loved it when we used that endearment for her.

"There are a few things left to do. The bows still need to be tied to the backs of the chairs and there are floral arrangements in the house that need to be set up," she said suddenly shifting into business mode. "It will go faster if you gentlemen wouldn't mind assisting me. We need to be done before the caterers arrive lest we have to go at human pace."

"Don't worry Esme… Edward is such a fairy, I'm sure he can handle the bows and flowers without a problem!" Emmett teased.

"Alright boys," Carlisle interrupted before I could respond with my own biting insult. "Let's not destroy all of Alice and Esme's hard work with a brawl."

We both laughed and set ourselves to work. Before long, the caterers showed up along with many of the guests. I also picked up the scent of the Denali clan when they arrived and had to chuckle at the curious thoughts emanating from all of them; Tanya in particular seemed anxious to see the human that had 'conquered' me.

After the details had been attended to, Esme shooed us inside to get ready. As I made my way to my room I smiled when I heard Alice's mental threats of dismemberment should I try and peak at Bella's appearance through another person's mind. I dressed slower than usual, carefully adjusting the lapels on my tuxedo and examining my reflection in the mirror. My hair was, as usual, completely unruly. I didn't mind too much though, Bella seemed to like it better that way. And due to the extensive hunting from last night my eyes were a deep gold and I knew that would please her as well. I thought I would start to feel nervous at this point, but I all I could feel was an overwhelming sense of peace. As though all the pieces were finally falling into place… the world, or my world at least, was starting to make sense.

"If you're done checking your reflection, Maryann… Carlisle is waiting for you to join us in his study," Emmett said interrupting my thoughts. I turned to see a wide grin on my brother's face.

"Give it a rest, Emmett," I laughed, lightly punching his shoulder. Not even his teasing could sour my mood. As we entered the study Carlisle turned to greet us. _I never thought I'd see the day! He looks so happy… finally! You deserve this Edward, I've never been more proud to be your father._

I bowed my head as emotion swelled up in me at my father's thoughts. If I were still human, I'm sure my cheeks would have been scarlet red. I knew he thought of Bella as my well deserved reward; I could only hope that he was right about that.

"Come on, Emmett. We should probably take our places, I think we're going to be starting soon," Jasper said as he pulled Emmett towards the door sensing the atmosphere between Carlisle and myself. _It feels like you two need a moment, I'll see you out there. Good luck brother. _Emmett flashed me an enthusiastic smile and a thumbs up before exiting the room.

"Carlisle, you've always been far to kind in your assessment of me."

"And you've always been far too modest," he smiled back at me.

_May I offer some advice son?_

"Of course, you know I'll always welcome your guidance."

Carlisle drew himself up in front of me and straightened the front of my jacket before adjusting the white tie at my throat. He locked his golden eyes on mine as he placed his hands on my shoulders, holding me steady as he had done for the past 90 years.

"I'd like you to remember that you and Bella have overcome the impossible to reach this day. And I truly believe that you were made for each other, please don't doubt that you are good enough for her, Edward. She is your match… in every sense of the word. Enjoy this day and take it all in. I cannot tell you how much it means to me that I can finally see you happy and complete. You have made me prouder than any father has ever been of a son."

His words were my refuge of reassurance. If a being as great as Carlisle thought I was worthy of Bella's love and devotion, then surely I could be.

"Thank you, father," I could only whisper softly in reply. I hoped that he understood his confidence in me was a great source of my strength. He placed a hand on my cheek and smiled as if he understood what I could not say out loud.

My head cocked slightly to the side as I picked up on Alice's directed thoughts. _Edward, it's time to take your place._

"Alice?" Carlisle asked knowingly. I nodded with a grin.

"Shall we then?" he said as he guided me through the door to the great room.

As we approached I took in the scenery around me. The rows of chairs were covered in white satin and dripping from almost every surface were freesias, roses, orange blossoms, and lilacs intricately arranged with fine gossamer fabric. Alice and Esme had transformed the house into a Victorian fantasy.

Rosalie sat at the piano and began to play Pachelbel's Canon. Even though she scarcely played, she was very talented in her own right. I started my walk down the isle and was so overcome with anticipation of seeing Bella I could barely make sense of the thoughts that were cascading from all the guests and my family. Carlisle walked beside me as my father and my best man. We took our places at the front of the room underneath an arch overflowing with white blossoms. I barely noticed the minister and could only focus my eyes on the stairs, waiting for my angel to descend.

The notes shifted into Wagner and my body tensed as the moment came closer and closer. Alice came into view smiling brightly and practically danced down the isle. _She's beautiful, Edward! You can thank me later!_

And then it felt as though time itself had stopped. She appeared at the base of the stairs, a vision of lace and satin. How could it be possible that such perfection existed in human form? And yet there she stood before me; a living breathing incarnation of the most brilliant angel to have ever been created. And she was mine, she'd chosen me.

An inviting blush spread over her cheeks as she looked around and then her eyes finally found mine. The sheer joy and happiness I felt, spread over my face in a wide smile. It took all my self control to restrain the urge to dash to her side and scoop her up in my arms. As Bella made her way to me and couldn't take my eyes from hers.

When she finally reached me, I solemnly extended my hand out to accept the gift that had been bestowed upon me. As Charlie placed her delicate hand in mine his single thought reverberated in my mind, _Take care of her._ And I intended to, with every fiber of my being.

My eyes stayed focused on hers as the minister began to speak. His words flowed over me as I took in the ethereal woman before me. In all my time of walking this earth I'd never known such feelings were possible. I'd waited a century for her and now she truly was mine. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears of joy and I thought my heart would swell through my chest at the sight. She knew that I was truly hers as well.

And then she spoke the words I'd ached to hear for so long.

"I do."

The minister turned to me to recite vows older than I, vows that would now guide my existence from this point on; vows that would superceed any laws of man or God. Knowing this I looked deep into Bella's open and trusting eyes and voiced my promise to her out loud for all to hear.

"I do."

We were pronounced to our family and friends as husband and wife. And with that pronouncement, I felt a peace and euphoria unlike anything I'd ever felt before… I was whole. I carefully cupped Bella's exquisite porcelain face in my hands and leaned down to seal my promise with our first kiss as husband and wife. She wrapped her arms enthusiastically anround my neck and pulled herself to me as close as she could. I pressed my lips to hers with all the love I possessed. The moment seemed to last an eternity and I could think of nothing but my angel's burning kiss.

Reality slowly crept back to me and I realized that we had been kissing longer than what was considered appropriate. Bella's very human response made me smile slightly through our kiss. My family's thoughts began to penetrate the bubble that had formed around us.

_You might want to save that for the honeymoon, Edward. _

Emmett could always be counted on for inappropriate jokes, but he was somewhat right. I gently and most reluctantly pulled Bella's face back from mine. Her dazed expression made me smile even more… I hoped I would always be able to dazzle her. The pieces of our world were at last, settled into their proper places.

Applause erupted from our guests and they all rushed to congratulate us. Their thoughts were a jumble of awe and happiness. And through the hugs, kisses, and well wishes…I could still only focus on one person, my beautiful Bella, my beautiful wife.

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**I hoped you enjoyed it. Please review... it encourages me to keep going!**


	4. Hindsight

**Author's Note: So I must apologize for the delay in getting this chapter out. As you can see this was a long one. Edward's emotions seemed to be on a roller coaster that day and it took time for me to explore them. Still it was fun to write it. I feel I must also apologize for the writing style... it's been so long (literally years) and I know that I'm still settling into it and trying to rediscover and refine it. I will try to get into a more regular posting schedule... maybe twice a week at minimum. Thanks to those who have been reviewing... it's incredibly flattering and I'm quite humbled by it. As to the honeymoon chapter that some of you brought up, I find myself a little hesitant. I too was disappointed by the fade out but I've never written a 'lemon' and I'm not sure I could do it justice. Especially since I've read an amazing one by one of the writers here (vixen1836, read it...she's fantastic!) and don't think I could ever do it as well as she did. I'm going to give it a try and it may take awhile, so an update might not happen for a little while. On a side note, I'm looking for a Beta Reader so if anyone knows of a good one who's taking on writers… or they themselves are one please let me know. Thanks for bearing with me in this long rambling… enjoy the reception scene and as always please let me know what you think.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything unfortunately, but have borrowed the lovely Stephanie Meyer's characters and story for this little endeavor. All dialog and storylines from Breaking Dawn belong to her and no copyright infringement is intended.**

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Chapter 4: Hindsight

After the ceremony we made our way out to the reception area, where our family and friends were waiting to once again greet and congratulate us. Alice and Esme had continued their fantasy from the ceremony to the outdoors and though I'm unable to dream, I imagine if I could, the dream would look something like the reception. It was elegant, without being pretentious; almost unconsciously beautiful, very much like Bella herself I realized. I guided Bella down to the throng of well wishers. My nose wrinkled slightly as I caught scent of Seth Clearwater. Even though he was a shape shifter, and sworn to protect humanity from my kind, I couldn't help but like the kid despite the bad smell. He reminded me a lot of Emmett, golden hearted and straight forward.

_Nice to see them happy, don't know why everyone's got sticks up their asses. Bella obviously wants this._

Seth seemed to be at ease with the decision Bella made and even happy that we'd ended up together. He approached us with Billy Black and his mother, who clearly was not as comfortable around vampires as her young son.

"Congrats, guys," he said and embraced Bella tightly before turning to me with his arms open. I had to chuckle slightly at the reaction on Sue Clearwater's face when I threw my free arm around her son and returned his hug. She looked as though someone had thrown a bucket of freezing water on her. Still, I had to appreciate the gesture from both her and Billy Black for being here to support my Bella. Anyone who was in her good graces was also in mine. The fact that they were here at all was encouraging considering the very delicate and difficult topic of Bella's impending change.

"It's good to see things work out for you, man," Seth said with sincerity. "I'm happy for you."

"Thank you, Seth. That means a lot to me," I replied.

I looked to Sue and Billy and found him looking at me intently. _It was very decent of you Edward to reach out to Jacob… I surely appreciate it. _I raised my eyebrow in question. _I don't know if he'll come… he's been gone for awhile._ No one had noticed our quick exchange about the letter I'd enclosed in the wedding must have been very difficult for Billy to have made the decision to come under the circumstances. I wondered how he would decide to proceed when we knowingly broke the treaty. I refocused on my surroundings and expressed my thanks as sincerely as I could.

"Thank you, as well. For letting Seth come. For supporting Bella today."

"You're welcome," he replied in a friendlier manner than I'd expected.

The Quileute's took their leave and we continued to greet many of Bella's human friends and their families. I clenched my jaw and had to hold myself back from throwing Mike Newton into the river when he came to congratulate us. Despite the fact that he was with Jessica again and that she was standing next to him, holding his hand didn't deter his wildly inappropriate thoughts about my wife. My outwardly friendly demeanor held until they passed us.

The line continued and floating forward with their unnatural grace was my extended family, the Denali Clan. I sighed slightly as I heard Tanya's thoughts.

_Ah… at last, Edward. My but he looks handsome. Such a pity… perhaps all is not completely lost. How much of a hold can a human possibly have on our kind?_

I felt as though I had a female Mike on my hands, she never seemed to understand that Bella's hold on me was permanent. This was going to require some finesse to manage. Bella already seemed to have some absurd notion that there was a reason to be jealous and concerned about Tanya's relationship with me; as if I could ever look at another woman when I had the most precious one already beside me. Unfortunately, Tanya would be more than happy to encourage such ideas. Yes… this was going to take a lot of skill on my part.

Immediately upon reaching us, Tanya reached forward and locked me in a tight embrace. "Ah, Edward," she said. "I've missed you."

Images of how she'd wished our reunion would look like flashed in her head and I had to laugh at her persistence. I quickly stepped back from her; there was no need to be rude, but I would make it clear to her that Bella is and would always be my only love.

"It's been too long, Tanya. You look well," I replied trying to ease the chagrined thoughts that surfaced when I'd broken our hug.

"So do you."

Before she could start another onslaught of inappropriate images, I moved to bring Bella forward.

"Let me introduce you to my wife," I said with unmitigated delight. How I rejoiced at hearing the word; she would be mine forever! Their thoughts became amused at my obvious joy and they a laughed politely. I turned to Tanya so that she would know exactly where the source of my joy was coming from.

"Tanya, this is my Bella."

I watched carefully to make sure that Tanya behaved herself. She examined Bella with far too much doubt. _I simply don't see the pull. She's so…plain, so human. Well, she did what I couldn't; I must at least admit that._ Tanya and Rosalie had such similar ego's it wasn't hard to see why they got along so well.

"Welcome to the family, Bella," she finally said to Bella reaching out to take her hand. "We consider ourselves Carlisle's extended family, and I am sorry about the, er, recent incident when we did not behave as such. We should have met sooner. Can you forgive us?"

"Of course." Bella replied. She seemed to have been taken aback slightly at the Denalis Clan. "It's so nice to meet you."

"The Cullens are all evened up in numbers now. Perhaps it will be our turn next, eh, Kate?" she smiled at her sister.

Kate rolled her eyes in response. Her thoughts were slightly annoyed at her sister and I couldn't help but agree with that sentiment.

"Keep the dream alive."

Kate turned to Bella taking her hand and said with complete sincerity, "Welcome, Bella."

Carmen moved forward and placed her hand over Kate's.

"I'm Carmen, this is Eleazar. We're so pleased to finally meet you."

Warm blush spread over Bella's face as she stuttered, "M-me, too."

_She lovely, Edward. Really… quite the match for you._

I smiled at Kate's mental compliment. The rest of the line seemed to be getting anxious over the wait and I looked pointedly at Tanya. She took in the growing line and nodded back at me in understanding.

"We'll get to know each other later. We'll have _eons_ of time for that!" Tanya laughed at her inside joke.

_I suppose if it had to be someone else, Edward…she doesn't seem too bad. You seem to be happy and that's what matters._

Tanya's final thoughts before their family departed left me with a warm glow. It had gone better than I could have hoped for. Bella had unconsciously charmed them the way she charmed everyone she met. I was happy that they liked her so much… Tanya was already coming around.

After that introduction, the rest of the reception flowed smoothly. We laughed and enjoyed the company of our family and friends. When it came to the traditions that encompassed mortal weddings, Alice had been a stickler. I too wanted to make this human experience for Bella as perfect as possible. It was, after all, going to be one of her last. It was particularly entertaining for all the vampires in the crowd to watch the cake cutting. In keeping with the normal practice we fed each other a small bite of the cake. Or rather I delicately put a small piece in Bella's mouth and she shoved a large portion of the revolting human confection into my mouth. I choked it down without grimacing, as I repeated the mantra in my head that it was all for her.

I was slightly concerned when Bella stood at the edge of a raised platform to throw the bouquet. I stayed close in case she fell so that I wouldn't have to move at abnormal speed to catch her. Alice shook her head at me when she noticed what I was doing. _Relax Edward, she'll be fine! Just enjoy yourself. _It was easy for her to say when her mate was as indestructible as she was. Thankfully Bella managed to toss the flowers to Angela without incident.

When it came time for the garter toss, I could hear Emmett and Jasper hooting in anticipation of the blush that was sure to be on Bella's face and they began to take mental shots at me. The idea that I would have to put my face and teeth that close to a very intimate part of Bella caused a small ripple of anxiety and a large rush of desire to flow through me. Mercifully she had managed to get the garter down to her ankle. I was temporarily mesmerized by her scent as I pulled the filmy piece of fabric from her and in a calculated response to the thoughts going through Mike Newton's head; I winked at Bella, and shot the thing directly into his face with enough force to leave a mark.

The band Alice had acquired began to play the opening notes and I pulled my lovely Bella into my arms. In an uncharacteristic relinquishment of control, Alice had permitted me to choose the song for our first dance. The lead singer expertly crooned Frank Sinatra's 'The way you look tonight', an old favorite of mine. I spun Bella around the dance floor with ease and allowed myself to relish in the contentment that radiated off her.

"Enjoying the party, Mrs. Cullen?" I whispered softly into her ear. How I loved to say that out loud!

"That will take a while to get used to," she laughed sending her sweet scent swirling around my face. It was bliss.

"We have awhile," I reminded her, thrilling in the fact that we had eternity.

I pressed my lips to hers without breaking our tempo. I could hold her like this forever and never get tired of it. Our song ended and a new one began to flow over the reception. Alice had kept the musical selections to the first half of the 20th century knowing that I favored the music from that era. I heard Charlie's thoughts before he had even tapped my shoulder to take his customary dance with Bella. I could only let her out of my arms because I knew Charlie would protect her as fiercely as I would, though I was slightly concerned that their combined coordination might take them both down. Esme interrupted my fretting by holding her hand out to me in invitation with a smile. _You wouldn't deny me the pleasure of a dance with my son on his wedding day, would you?_

"I could never deny you anything, Mom."

I took her hand and spun her once before we settled into her favorite waltz steps.

"You both have looked so happy today, Edward. I'm delighted that you are enjoying yourself," Esme smiled at me.

"Only because you and Alice did such a marvelous job with the planning. We can never thank you both enough."

"No Edward," she sighed with content. "It's you I have to thank. It's a gift for me to see you have found your match after years of solitude. And you have brought me another daughter… at last our family is complete."

We continued to dance together until it was interrupted by Tanya wishing to take her turn. Though she seemed to be accepting of Bella, it still didn't stop her from thinking about me in ways that she really shouldn't have been. Alice soon came to my rescue after seeing my reactions to the images I was being subjected too. She didn't need to read minds to see what was on Tanya's mind. As I twirled my small sister around she warned me to stay calm when Mike started dancing with Bella. Alice's face went slightly blank as she started seeing different visions involving Mike and myself. Most of the resulted in various bones of his breaking.

"Edward!" Alice hissed. "Not at the wedding! For heaven's sake, he's a silly human boy. You really shouldn't let him get to you that way!"

I knew she was right, but when he started thinking about the wedding night with himself in my place, I'd had enough. Alice rolled her eyes when I excused myself and rushed over to extract my Bella from his slimy grasp. I felt clam settle over me again as my angel relaxed into my arms.

"Still not that fond of Mike, eh?" she observed.

"Not when I have to listen to his thoughts. He's lucky I didn't kick him out. Or worse." Yes, he was very lucky as I thought about the other alternatives I'd considered. Bella was far to alluring for her own good.

"Yeah, right."

"Have you had a chance to look at yourself?"

"Um. No, I guess not. Why?"

"Then I suppose you don't realize how utterly heartbreakingly beautiful you are tonight. I'm not surprised Mike's having difficulty with improper thoughts about a married woman. I _am_ disappointed that Alice didn't make sure you were forced to look in a mirror."

"You are very biased, you know."

I sighed, when would Bella ever realize that she was exquisite? Determined that she see just how breath taking she looked, I turned her to face the house. The wall of windows reflected our images back to us. Before I could register her reaction I picked up a new scent. Shape shifters… three of them. The instant that I recognized the scent I also heard the thoughts.

_Edward._

"Oh," I huffed in surprise. Was he here to start a fight or was it a peaceful visit?

_I came for her… I don't want to start anything. I just had to see her one last time before…you know. I just want her to be happy._

I smiled widely. This would make Bella so very happy. I was pleased that I could do this for her. Give her this small gift.

"What is it?" she asked

"A surprise wedding gift."

"Huh?" she looked at me in confusion.

I took her in my arms again and began to dance her towards where I knew Jake was hiding. It had to look natural so that no one would notice her absence. The sudden appearance of Jake would cause a ruckus. I guided her carefully to where the tree cover began.

"Thank you," I called to him. "This is very… kind of you."

_I'm not doing it for you. _I nodded in understanding.

"Kind is my middle name," he replied. "Can I cut in?" I felt Bella's knees give out at the voice and I held onto her tightly so she wouldn't fall.

"Jacob," she gasped. "Jacob!"

"Hey there, Bells."

He moved forward to take her and I waited until I was sure that he had a grasp on her. I tensed and gritted my teeth at seeing Jake embrace my Bella so tightly and intimately. She had buried her face in his chest and was sobbing quietly. This wasn't easy, but I would endure it because it would make her happy. I could give her this… she had already given me so much. I knew that she really was mine, but it didn't make it any easier. I couldn't stay near to watch, it was too difficult.

"Rosalie won't forgive me if she doesn't get her official turn on the dance floor," I excused myself quickly and fled back up to the reception before I could change my mind.

I was met at the edge of the dance floor by my sister.

"I heard you wanted a dance with me," she smiled.

"Thanks Rosalie," I replied seeing what her intention was.

She was right… I did need something to take my mind off the two heartbeats I could hear in the distance above all the others. Despite our opposite personalities, I did have a soft spot for her. While Alice and I connected on a level that everyone knew was special… Rosalie was still my first sister. I had never even had any human siblings. We danced quietly for a moment as she thought about the things she wanted to say to me. The thoughts were running so quickly through her head I couldn't get a firm grasp on them.

_I owe you an apology, Edward._ I jerked my head up in surprise at the directed thought.

"Why would you think that?" I asked. I couldn't fathom what she could have done.

"I haven't been a very good sister to you over the past year and half. I should have been more supportive of you…it's just… been difficult."

"Rosalie, I don't blame you for the way you feel, you can't help it."

"I know you don't… I just want you to understand why I behaved the way I did."

I looked at her carefully. Rosalie and I rarely spoke with such open frankness, and it was even more rare that she apologized. For anything. Ever.

"I know you think it's all because of jealously and to an extent it is. It's been so hard to see Bella willingly give up everything I have ever wanted."

I nodded, encouraging her to continue.

"Our family and Emmett is all I have now. When Bella came into the picture… it terrified me. I was scared of all the different threats there were to us, it seemed like we were always in danger of something. And I was scared that if she joined us it would change the dynamic of the family. I'd finally gotten to a place where I could accept the reality of it all. I was happy with how things were and she represented change. It was just too much…"

She lapsed into silence looking embarrassed with herself at her outburst. I squeezed her hand tighter in comfort. This must have been extraordinarily difficult for her. My family was always surprising me; I would have never guessed I'd ever hear something like that from Rosalie of all people. I'd always assumed her resentment towards Bella was all based on jealousy, I never realized she had been so afraid.

"I will try harder, Edward. I am trying…" she said to me. I saw images from earlier in the day when she had helped Alice get Bella ready for the wedding. The sisterly gesture of Rosalie doing Bella's hair made me smile. She really was trying.

"Thank you Rosalie. I know it isn't easy for you," I said as I leaned in and kissed her lightly on the cheek.

"Yes… well, I guess it's not all that bad having Bella around. I mean at least you've been less of an insufferable, brooding, know it all," she quipped. I chuckled knowing that the normal Rosalie had reasserted itself.

"Maybe after the honeymoon… you won't be so squeamish around Emmett and me." She was definitely back to normal.

We continue to dance and I began to get slightly impatient… wishing that I was holding Bella again. Rosalie had accomplished her mission and had distracted me most effectively. It had already been three songs… I refocused to hear the thoughts I'd been too preoccupied to notice before.

_Edward! _I heard Jaspers alarm. Quickly I scanned his thoughts. He was feeling strong and growing anger coming from the darkness by the trees; where I had left Bella. I picked up on the voices that were growing louder with outrage. Rosalie's eyes widened as we heard the conversation taking place.

"What do you mean? Have a real honeymoon? While your still _human?_ Are you kidding? That's a sick joke, Bella!"

I turned and walked as quickly as I could without being suspicious toward the voices. My breath began to hitch and I could only think of Bella's safety at that point.

"I said butt out, Jake. This is _so_ not your business." Bella's voice was raising. I could feel my anger growing. Emmett and Jasper joined me as we reached into the edge of the dance floor and walked into the darkness leaving the light of the reception behind.

_Edward. You've got to control yourself._ Emmett warned in my head.

"I shouldn't have… we shouldn't even be talking about this. It's private —" her voice suddenly broke off. My muscles tensed and venom began to flow into my mouth.

"Ow, Jake! Let go!" My eyes saw them as if they were lit up with a spot light. He had his hands wrapped around the tops of her arms squeezing tightly, shaking her. She was in pain! He's hurting her! I would break his arms! Before I could get a foot towards them I felt two pairs of arms restraining me and two sets of thoughts rebuking me.

_Edward you can't! You might hurt her too!_

_There are other humans here!_

"Bella! Have you lost your mind? You can't be that stupid! Tell me you're joking!"

He shook her again. Harder.

"Jake – stop!"

I was out of my brother's grasp before they could get a grip on me again. Instantly I was right behind Bella. I wanted to tear her away from the dog! But they were right… I might accidently hurt her too.

"Take you hands off her!" I snarled at the mongrel.

I heard growls coming from the darkness in response to mine.

_Careful, Edward. The whole pack is out there. _Jasper warned me. I hadn't noticed the extra heartbeats. All I could focus on was my Bella. My instincts were still screaming at me to get her away from the danger.

_We're right behind you brother…they won't get to you without going through me first! _Emmett reassured me.

"Jake, bro, back away," Seth's voice urged. I hadn't even heard him come up. "You're losing it."

No response. If he didn't take his hands off her I was going to…

"You'll hurt her," Seth whispered interrupting my rage. "Let her go."

"Now!" I demanded forcefully, almost completely enraged that she was still in danger.

The second I saw his muscles began to release, I shot my hands forward to retrieve my fragile jewel from the dangerous beast before her. I sped her backwards until there was a wide gap between her and the threat. Seth had looped his arms around Jacob and was trying to pull him back while two of the pack stood in the space between us. I sensed Jasper and Emmett were a few feet behind Bella. They could protect her if I had to stop the wolves attack.

"C'mon, Jake. Let's go."

"I'll kill you," he whispered, his voice burning with fury. "I'll kill you myself! I'll do it now!"

He was losing control; I could see it in his mind. Violence flooded through his thoughts and I bared my teeth in response. Sam gave a sharp bark. The whole pack was poised to either attack or restrain.

"Seth, get out of the way," I hissed. We would finish this here and now.

"Don't do it, Jake. Walk away. C'mon," Seth implored and was able to tug him back a few feet.

My instincts raged again all around… the bloodlust was growing to eliminate this threat to my Bella once and for all. _No, Edward! _Jasper snapped and he strained to calm my emotions. The rage was so strong… but then I felt control suddenly returning as waves of calm swept over me. My rational mind reasserted… I couldn't hurt Jacob… only because it would hurt Bella as well.

As I came back to myself I saw the wolves and Seth drag Jake back into the forest. One of the wolves, Quil, paused to look at Bella.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. Her body was shaking behind me.

"It's all right now, Bella," I murmured to her.

_We'll take him back to La Push and keep him there. You won't have any reason to go after him. Make sure you all stay to your side of the line. _I acknowledged his request with a nod.

Then he too disappeared into the forest.

Quickly I took an inventory of all the thoughts around us. Emmett and Jasper were retreating back towards the dance floor already. The rest of my family had heard what had just happened but were keeping their distance and acting natural. None of the humans had seen anything and the wolves were long gone.

"All right," I said out loud confirming to myself that the spectacle had gone unnoticed. Then turning to Bella, I took in her wide brown eyes that were glassy with tears and I felt a surge in anger that he'd upset her. But now was not the time to think about what he'd said; I needed to focus on Bella.

"Let's get back."

"But Jake--"

"Sam has him in hand. He's gone."

"Edward, I'm so sorry. I was stupid—"

"You did nothing wrong—"

"I have such a big mouth! Why would… I shouldn't have let him get to me like that. What was I thinking?"

I sighed internally… I knew that she would take the blame upon herself. She was the most innocent of all of us and she was shouldering the blame for everything.

"Don't worry," I said and cupped her cheek in my hand. "We need to get back to the reception before someone notices our absence."

Greif and pain swan through her eyes as she tried to compose herself. Shame filled me when I realized that I had played a part in making her feel that hurt. She was so brave and strong… she shouldn't have to be. I should be able to protect her better.

"Give me two seconds," she pleaded. "My dress?"

"You look fine. Not a hair out of place."

"Okay. Let's go," she breathed.

I took her back into my arms, steadying her as we walked, and led her out to the dance floor where I easily slipped backed into a smooth rhythm of dance. The guilt began to build up in me as Bella's mood had shifted into unease and worry.

"Are you—"

"I'm fine," she promised before I could continue. "I can't believe I did that. What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing is wrong with _you,_" I reassured her.

"It's over," she said. "Let's not think of it again tonight."

My mind was racing, how could I have allowed her to come to such pain? I was a fool to have asked Jacob to come… I thought it would please her and instead I'd marred what should have been a beautiful day. The irony of the situation did not escape me and his words rang loudly in my mind. Throughout the confrontation I'd been terrified that he'd lose control and hurt her, but yet I was willingly putting Bella in mortal danger simply by being with her. He was right… I was a monster. She needed protection from me.

"Edward?" she asked slightly alarmed when I didn't respond.

My eyes closed involuntarily as I leaned forward to lean against her. I was too much of a coward to look her in the face when I confirmed the accusations that had been laid against me.

"Jacob is right," I whispered to her. "What _am_ I thinking?"

"He's not," she instantly disagreed. "Jacob is way to prejudice to see anything clearly."

Self loathing filled me when Bella tried to reassure me. This beautiful angel comforting a monster like me; she deserved so much more. Even though I professed that Bella's safety was always my top concern, my actions spoke otherwise. I should have let Jacob tear me apart for even thinking about putting Bella's well being in danger. Realization that I'd spoken the thought out loud didn't hit me until Bella stiffened and reacted to my words.

"Stop it," Bella admonished me with muted ferocity. She took my face into her hands and my skin burned beneath her touch, purifying me of all negative thought. "You and me. That's the only thing that matters. The only thing you're allowed to think about now. Do you hear me?"

"Yes," I sighed with resignation. I was doing it again, muddying up her perfect day with my self pity. Couldn't I do anything right for her?

"Forget Jacob came. For me. Promise that you'll let this go."

Her eyes were trained intensely on mine and I couldn't refuse her this.

"I promise."

My mind was torn in the face of two conflicting desires that couldn't be resolved. Her safety and happiness guiding my actions led to two very different paths. How could I deny her the human experience of love… deny her the thing that would make her most happy? And yet by doing that, I would be exposing her to the greatest danger she's ever been in.

"Thank you. Edward, I'm not afraid."

"I am," I confessed softly.

"Don't be." She smiled beautifully at me. It was the smile that she saved only for me and my fear melted slightly. "By the way, I love you."

"That's why we're here," I said with a small smile breaking through.

Emmett's thoughts of how ridiculous I was intruded into my mind a moment before he tapped me on the shoulder.

"You're monopolizing the bride. Let me dance with my little sister. This could be my last chance to make her blush," he laughed as thoughts ran through his head about all the things he could say to make her turn red. I gave him a warning glance to not take it too far.

_Don't get your panties in a bunch, Edward. It's just some friendly sibling teasing. She is my baby sister forever now… she might as well get used to it._

A short laugh escaped me as I relinquished Bella to him. It was pleasing that Emmett was so happy with Bella's addition to our family. He loved her very dearly as a sister. He would never tell Bella out loud in so many words how much he cared for her, but I could hear it in his thoughts and it was evident in how protective he'd become of her.

I joined Carlisle and Esme at a table nearby and watched as Bella danced with Emmett. She had fit so well into the family. It was as if the missing piece to a great artwork had been found and now our family tapestry was complete.

Before long, I couldn't hold myself back from reclaiming her attentions. Jasper passed her back to me with a smile knowing that I'd been fighting the urge to do that for quite some time. She snuggled into my body, laying her head on my chest and I held her close.

"I could get used to this," she sighed.

"Don't tell me you've gotten over your dancing issues?"

"Dancing isn't so bad – with you. But I was thinking more of this. Of never having to let you go." She pressed herself tighter to me and tingles of pleasure rolled through me.

"Never," I promised her. I would never again be taken from her side. She was mine.

Her luscious red lips beckoned me forward and I leaned in to show her that her hold on me was forever. The heat of her mouth on mine sent shivers through me. Before I knew what I was doing my hold on her tightened bringing her closer to me… the feelings were starting to course through with greater strength. Her heart was racing and the sound of it pulled me in closer to her, the outside world was falling to the wayside. That is until Alice interrupted. I paid no mind to her first request. Bella wasn't going anywhere… I wasn't ready for her to be taken from my arms.

"Do you want to miss your plane?" she demanded. "I'm sure you'll have a lovely honeymoon camped out in the airport waiting for another flight." This was getting annoying. Couldn't she see that we were busy? My mind was a little irrational as I could only think of Bella's soft form against mine.

"Go away, Alice." I continued to kiss her, but Alice would not be deterred.

_Come on, Edward. People are staring. She needs to change before you leave and so do you. That can wait a few hours can't it? _When I didn't respond she turned to Bella again.

"Bella, do you want to wear that dress on the airplane?"

Her thoughts became filled with chagrin and annoyance when Bella didn't respond either.

Alice growled at me, "I'll tell her where you're taking her, Edward. So help me, I will."

With that… I was defeated. I knew she was completely serious with her threat and though I loved my sister dearly I was not very happy with her.

"You're awfully small to be so hugely irritating," I glared at her.

"I didn't pick out the perfect going-away dress to have it wasted. Come with me, Bella." She began to pull Bella away from me and I resisted the urge to pull her back. That kind of tug of war would not end well for my wife. But Bella was proving herself to be more difficult than me. She pulled back on Alice's grip and reached up to kiss me once more. Alice rolled her eyes and then swept Bella form my sight.

Jasper came to stand beside me as I inhaled Bella's diminishing scent. _Still potent isn't it? _I smiled at the thought. Potent yes…but it wasn't her blood that was the strongest pull anymore. My human urges were far more overwhelming at this point than any other instincts. Just the thought that we'd soon be on a plane that would take us far away from all others was stirring. We'd be the only two beings for miles and I would have her all to myself. _Wow… Edward. You might want to get a handle on that. There have been so many emotions today I'm having a hard time handling it all._

Jasper had staggered back slightly from me shaking his head as if trying to clear his mind. The waves of lust and love that had come over me must have been exceptionally powerful for it to have hit Jasper's extra sense so hard.

"Sorry Jasper. I can't really help it."

"Don't sweat it. I know you can't. But between your and Bella's….frustration, I'm getting pummeled," he laughed.

A frown creased my brow and I cringed in embarrassment that Jasper knew exactly what kind of reactions Bella raised in me.

"Aw… Edward, get over it. We're brothers, it's not like you never hear and see things that I'd rather you not," he told me sensing my shift in emotions. "Well, you better get back in there and get changed, I've got to go get the car and bring it around."

He left me on the dance floor and headed to the garage while I started towards the house. I quickly went to my room and changed into the slacks and shirt Alice had left out for me and went to join the crowd down below. When I reached the bottom of the stairs I waited patiently for Alice to finish preparing Bella for departure. I listened to Renee blubbering and fawning over her daughter. I could hear the emphasis Bella was putting into her goodbyes to her mother. Guilt welled up in me and I immediately tried to dispel it. I felt terrible for Renee because she had no idea that Bella was truly saying goodbye to her for good. She would never be able to see her daughter this way again. But I reminded myself that Bella had chosen this and I wouldn't make the same mistakes I had in the past.

My breath stopped as I caught sight of Bella appearing at the top of the stairs. Her creamy skin glowed in the soft lighting of the house and the blue of her dress set off her mahogany brown hair that was down around her shoulders. She took my hand but pulled away slightly as she scanned the crowd around us. Before she even said anything, I knew who she was looking. She'd already said her goodbye to her mother… she was looking for Charlie.

"Dad?" she asked.

"Over here," I muttered to her guiding her through the small crowd to where I knew Charlie was standing. He looked like he had been crying. _My beautiful Bells… what am I going to do without her?_ I stepped back and turned away, allowing Bella to have this private goodbye with her father.

"Oh, Dad!" Bella burst into fresh tears.

"There, now. You don't want to miss your plane." His response was casual though his thoughts were fraught with grief and love for his only daughter.

"I'll love you forever, Dad. Don't forget that."

"You, too Bells. Always have, always will." His voice began to break a little. "Call me."

"Soon," she promised. That would be all she could do soon I thought regretfully. Charlie was a good man and a good father… I hated that I was taking her away from him.

"Go on, then," he said his voice thick with emotion. "Don't want to be late."

I took my cue and swept Bella into my arms again.

"Are you ready?" I asked her searching her face for signs of distress.

"I am," she replied with such certainty that my guilt lifted and excitement began to take over. I kissed her with enthusiasm before taking her out the door to the waiting car.

Our family and friends showered us with rice and I felt a sharp stinging that I shouldn't have been able to feel from a human throwing rice. _Ha, ha… got him!_ I shielded Bella from Emmett's rice assault as she got into the car and then quickly settled into the driver's seat. Bella rolled the window down and called out goodbyes while waving to the crowd. I took her hand and began to drive us away. The enormity of the moment hit me will full force. Up until this point, my existence had been incomplete. I looked at the miracle that sat beside me and rejoiced in the happiness that took over and I allowed myself to feel the content.

"I love you," I told her. She leaned into me and placed her head on my arm.

"That's why we're here," Bella sighed with a content that matched my own.

As we made it to the highway I picked up speed…racing the two of us away towards our new and blissfully happy existence together. Piercing my bubble of emotion was a loud and mournful howl and I knew who it belonged to. She didn't show any indication that she'd heard it… so I pushed it out of my mind. He didn't matter anymore, it was over. Nothing would ever come between us again. I focused my eyes on the road and the future. Our future.

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**So... what do you think? I know you're just dying to tell me....good or bad... I can take it!**


	5. Isle Esme

**Author's Note:**** You're not imagining it… this is a true update! I'm terribly sorry for how long it has taken. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed! It means so much to me and I'm sorry if I haven't been able to get back to you, I'll try to be better about it. I decided to go ahead and post the chapter where it stands right now for a variety of reasons. This has been an agonizing chapter for me to write, and I don't think I could do anymore to it. I've never had such difficulty writing something, and I find myself almost embarrassed to post this. Writing for me has always been extremely personal, and this is the first time I've allowed others to read what I write. Since I'm still getting back into it, I'm hoping to polish up and define my writing style a little more. I'm not completely happy with how this turned out, but really, I don't think I ever would have been happy with it. As this is my VERY FIRST lemon, I'm blushing just at the thought of others reading it. That is definitely something that I need to practice and play around with until I find a style that works for me. I think what made this especially hard is that it's their first time, and he's a vampire with early century mentality… not your typical lemon. Gah! Anyways, I'm stalling. Here it is for you, to my extreme mortification… Chapter 5! **

**Disclaimer****: I don't own anything unfortunately, but have borrowed the lovely Stephanie Meyer's characters and story for this little endeavor. All dialog and storylines from Breaking Dawn belong to her and no copyright infringement is intended.**

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Chapter 5: Isle Esme

"Houston?" Bella asked, turning to me in confusion when she saw our flight destination at the Seattle terminal.

"Just a stop along the way," I grinned, enjoying the perplexed look on her face as she tried to figure out where we were headed.

She fell asleep barely 15 minutes into the flight to Texas. The long day seemed to have caught up to her. Bella's face was peaceful in her slumber, the picture of content. How she had managed not to collapse from exhaustion until now was beyond me. I grinned as she snuggled her head closer into my shoulder, and sighed with a small smile playing at her lips. Unable to resist such a sweet sight, I leaned down and kissed her hair before settling back to listen to the calming classical music on my music player. It was a rather futile attempt to stave off the nerves that were starting to make themselves known. Naturally, I was beyond thrilled to finally call Bella my wife. Still, the trepidation continued to build in me with every hour at the thought of being with her completely, the way a husband and wife were intended to be. Shaking my head slightly, I attempted to clear the troubling thoughts from my mind. Instead of continuing to drag myself into a pit of worry, I refocused my attention to Bach's 'Suite for Solo Cello' and let the notes carry my consciousness away.

When we landed in Houston, I pulled a barely coherent Bella along with me to check in at the international terminal. She roused herself long enough to ask about the South American destination before she slipped back into a sleepy stupor. The flight to Rio de Janeiro passed much the way that the first one did. Bella slept in my arms the entire way, and only woke when the pilot announced our landing.

After making our way through baggage, we stepped out into the late afternoon heat of Rio. Quickly, I hailed a cab, and directed the driver to the private docks that lay on the edge of the city. As we traveled through the packed streets, I found myself growing more irritated with the navigation skills of the driver. The man was already on my bad side. I was still fuming at the inappropriate comment he had made about Bella when we had first settled into the back seat. After my flawless Portuguese informed him of his faux pas, he at least had the decency to look properly ashamed when he apologized to me.

The agitation continued to build as we came closer to our destination. The moment was so near. Though I'd done everything I could think of to make it flow smoothly and successfully, I still felt unease. My thought processes seemed stalled. I struggled against the overwhelming mass of voices coming from the crowded city. Blocking minds was usually easy for me, and back home, I grown used to the low buzzing in the background of my mind. Forks had a small population, and that had made it all the easier. But here… it was overwhelming. The quiet buzz, to which I'd grown accustomed, became a roaring and almost deafening clamor in my head. I looked to the one person who offered me solace - the one person with whom my mind could relax, and my thoughts would only be mine. Bella was resting her head on her hand as she stared out the window. She seemed to be enthralled by the passing scenery. As the ocean came into view her heart pick up speed.

She looked at me, the confusion evident on her face, as we exited the cab, and made our way down the old docks. The buzz from the city had subsided somewhat, and I couldn't wait to strike out into the waves. Complete relief from the cacophony of voices would come when we were far enough away from Rio. Enthusiasm and eagerness surged through me. There were very few times in my existence where the voice I heard in my head was only my own. With Bella, I didn't have to worry about keeping the voices out. I could focus all of my energy on her. Her silent mind - while infuriating me to no end - was also one of the things that I secretly adored.

We passed some of the larger boats and made our way to a custom sport yacht. Carlisle had commissioned it a few years back. The inscription in Latin at the bow was clear 'Eis quos amo'. The sentiment of the English translation - 'For those that I love' - seemed typical of my adoptive father. True to his nature, everything Carlisle did was always with his family in mind. I sprang easily onto the deck and set the luggage down before assisting Bella. She settled back comfortably, watching me closely with interest and amusement, as I readied the yacht for departure. I guided the boat out of its slip into open water, and felt my excitement grow. It had been a few decades since I'd been out in the open sea. Not since the whole family had come to Isle Esme for an extended vacation in the sixties.

The boat picked up speed, and we cut through the water with ease. I found myself relaxing as I scarcely ever allowed myself to do. The chorus of chatter in my mind continued to fade. With every mile we put between us and the mainland, it grew fainter and fainter. And then there was silence. Blissful and exquisite relief permeated through me. I grinned freely enjoying the wind, the roar of the engine, and the spray of water that splashed our faces.

"Are we going much farther?" Bella asked, breaking through the quiet. I glanced at her, taking in the white knuckles as she sat rigidly in the seat next to me. My smile grew wider as I took in her uncomfortable posture. Ah… Bella, never one for the fast things in life.

"About another half hour," I reassured her.

I could already make out the island on the horizon, but I knew that Bella wouldn't be able to see it for a little while longer. Isle Esme had been the perfect choice for our honeymoon. I'd mulled over the options for days, considering a secluded winter retreat in the Alaskan wilderness, the Italian countryside, and even Africa at Emmett's insistence. As I'd continued to weigh the different locations, Esme had thoughtfully offered up the island. Immediately I knew it would be perfect. I already had so many wonderful memories here with my family, and soon I'd add more to them.

My muscles tensed involuntarily as I thought about the particular nature of the memories that were going to be created here. Time was starting to run short on me - we'd be docking in less than 20 minutes. Before panic could overtake me, I reminded myself that I'd taken every precaution, and had been preparing for this for quite sometime. Carefully laid out plans, and deliberate actions would be my ally tonight. There would be no unexpected surprises to overwhelm me. I focused on the strategy that I'd formed shortly after deciding on bringing her here.

The seclusion of our getaway was ideal, but even better than that, was the warm climate. I knew that would ease the shock of my perpetually cold skin on hers. I'd initially thought that we might bathe together so my skin would be at a warmer temperature. Then I quickly decided, after quelling my body's reaction to those thoughts, that being in a closed space with her could overwhelm me.

Using the water to warm my skin was ideal, but I knew that I required more space incase I needed to retreat. The warm water of the ocean here provided the perfect solution. We could relax in the small waves, and take it slow. Very, very slow.

The island was more visible now… we were only ten minutes out. Bella should be able to see it by this time, but she hadn't appeared to notice it.

"Bella," I called to her, pointing to where the island was. "Look there."

She peered into the darkness squinting slightly as her human eyes adjusted to the moonlight. I could sense her trying to figure out what it was she was looking at. To me it was clear as day. I could even see the light from the house. I adjusted my angle, and began to head towards the wooden dock.

"Where are we?" She sounded intrigued.

"This is Isle Esme," I replied, with a smile.

I cut the engines, and carefully guided the boat into the waiting slip. Moving quickly, I anchored, and secured it to the dock. I noticed Bella hadn't moved from her spot. Her mouth hung slightly open with a look of incredulity.

"Isle _Esme_?" she asked disbelieving.

"A gift from Carlisle – Esme offered to let us borrow it."

Her eyes widened slightly, and a look of understanding crossed her face. Of course she would react this way. Bella's aversion to extravagant gifts applied to everything. Perhaps with time, she'll overcome this particular quirk. I chuckled inwardly at her reaction as I unloaded the suitcases onto the dock. I turned back to her and in one fell swoop, lifted her up and hopped back onto the deck.

"Aren't you supposed to wait for the threshold?" she asked, smiling affectionately at me.

"I'm nothing if not thorough," I grinned back at her. As if I could have resisted taking her into my arms whenever chance presented.

I picked up the luggage and made my way toward the house. Vegetation had grown over the path - it had been sometime since we'd been here. It was probably a good thing that I was carrying her. I'm sure it must seem very dark to her right now, and the last thing we needed was for her to fall or cut herself on something. Knowing her luck, it was a definite possibility.

Bella's heart seemed to take off as we came closer to the house. I searched her face closely, looking for signs of distress. She didn't meet my gaze, and instead continued to look at the front door. She must be nervous… or maybe it was excitement? I opened the door, and waited for her to look at me. She finally turned to meet my eyes. As she did, a jolt of electricity spread through me. The depth of emotion that reflected out of her eyes was enough to paralyze me momentarily.

I took a breath to steady myself, and then carried my lovely wife across the threshold. I'd not dreamed for many decades, but felt like I was in one as I walked with Bella through the house. The enormity of where I was and who I was with crashed into me like a ton of bricks. Emotions began to course through me… I was happy beyond words, and desperately wanted to please the love of my existence. I couldn't even speak as we entered the final room. The white room. Our room.

I set Bella carefully onto the hardwood floors, and I felt an immediate sense of longing at the loss of contact. I was forgetting something. What was it…ah, the luggage. Being around Bella seemed to scatter my mind in ways I'd never experienced.

"I'll… go get the luggage," I told her. Quickly I flashed to the front, and returned to the bedroom silently.

I watched her quietly - she was still unaware that I had returned. Studying her closely from behind, I was immediately entranced. Her fragrance was intensified in the heat of the bedroom. It was intoxicating and floral and distinctly hers. Her hips had a gentle and unconscious swish as she moved forward to touch the light netting hanging off the bed. Seeing her so close to the bed nearly drove me over the edge. I needed to touch her, hold her… make sure she was real.

Like a compass needle pulled to the north, I couldn't resist going to her. A slick of perspiration had gathered on her neck - it must be far warmer than I'd thought. My hand moved to gently brush it aside, and I felt the heat of the burning blood coursing below her delicate skin - blood that was no longer my greatest temptation.

"It's a little hot here. I thought… that would be best," I explained, and continued to draw small circles on her neck.

"Thorough," she absently replied.

I had to laugh softly at her assessment. If she only knew how I'd agonized, and tried to plan for every course of action and every possible event. She would probably be mortified if she knew that one of the closets held a full complement of emergency medical equipment. I wondered if she would guess why I'd settled on Isle Esme. I knew the heat would most likely make contact with me more comfortable and even more desired.

"I tried to think of everything that would make this…easier," I said. There was no need to elaborate on everything I'd done to prepare.

Bella shifted nervously, still twirling the netting in her fingers. I heard her swallow loudly. She seemed hesitant… unsure of what to do next.

"I was wondering," I began slowly, trying to find the right way to present this to her. "If… first… maybe you'd life to take a midnight swim with me?"

I paused. Uncertainty began to swirl around me… could I really do this? Could I do it and not hurt her? What if she wasn't pleased? Millions of questions flashed through my mind in a second. Before I could tie myself into knots of worry, I took a deep breath, and reminded myself of what truly mattered. This was all for Bella… for her happiness. I could never deny her this experience.

"The water will be very warm. This is the kind of beach you approve of," I continued. It would be best not to alarm her with my thoughts.

"Sounds nice."

Her voice was strangled and filled with tension. She must need some time to settle herself. I'd been so caught up in my own emotions; I'd forgotten that her body needed things that mine did not.

"I'm sure you'd like a human minute or two… It was a long journey."

She nodded in agreement. Her heart was thudding heavily in her chest. I could give her a little while to regroup and calm down. But I didn't want to leave her… not even for a short while. Leaning in, I brushed my lips over the soft skin at her throat, and chuckled at the skip her heart took.

"Don't take _too_ long, Mrs. Cullen," I told her, delighting in using our shared name – a name I would never tire of saying. I allowed myself one last kiss on her shoulder before I released her. "I'll wait for you in the water."

As I walked away towards the waiting beach, my lips continued to burn from the kiss. Her scent was so enthralling - it made it difficult for me to form coherent thoughts. I slipped out of my clothes and set them on a tree. Warm wind blew across my skin as I waded out into the welcoming water.

I folded my arms across my chest and inhaled deeply. The clean ocean air filtered through me… it was cleansing, cathartic in some way. The smells of civilization were far away, and it helped me focus on the challenge that lay before me. My thoughts were occupied with the past few weeks… all the preparation I'd undertaken so everything could be just right. I did it gladly because it was all for her, because it's what she wanted. Now, I stood on the edge of a precipice, poised to take the jump that would forever change both of us. The familiar self doubt and loathing that I'd fought for so long began to bubble to the surface.

How could I possibly do this and not hurt her? I was caught between two impossible places. My whole being was tied up in the happiness and safety of Bella. It was a natural self preservation instinct that was telling me not to go through with it. It was telling me not to put the reason for my existence in harm's way… to protect her…even from myself. And yet part of me, the human part of me, was surging forward, taking over. It was demanding to be heard, demanding to be given a chance to show Bella, in the most basic way, how I felt about her. This was the final human experience she desired. I couldn't refuse it to her, but the potential threat to her safety was too great to ignore.

Was this truly the only reason for my anxiety? It was a given that I was concerned about hurting her. Not deliberately, of course, and not because I couldn't resist the call of her blood. The concern, as Carlisle had predicted, came from wondering if I could restrain my strength in the midst of our…coupling. But I'd proven that I could control myself, hadn't I? All those nights alone with Bella had surely prepared me for this. No, the fear of hurting her wasn't the only reason I was feeling this unease. Could it be the normal wedding night nerves that all newlyweds feel? I almost had to laugh at the thought – it was so… normal. With so many other concerns regarding this night - it didn't occur to me that perhaps - I was nervous about my… performance. Bella and I were as close as two beings could be… emotionally and mentally. But this would be a completely different level of closeness… physical intimacy. I had never been so exposed to another in all my years, and it was a terrifying prospect. Was it possible that all this time of holding myself back from Bella physically wasn't only to protect her… but also to protect myself? Protect the carefully constructed wall against letting anyone in far enough to see the true essence of my being. To see who I really am and confirm my deepest fears… that I was indeed an abomination… unworthy… unlovable. Yet Bella had done just that. She'd stripped away my defenses layer by layer, until I was laid bare before her. She'd seen who I was and loved me anyways. There were so many times where she should have run screaming from me, and instead she had stood stubbornly by my side. She's given herself so fully to me… and now it was time for me to do the same.

Resolve washed through me. I knew that I could do this and would do this. I felt myself relaxing even further at this. From the house, I heard Bella shuffling around and smiled as she told herself not to be a coward. I had to laugh at the absurd notion of Bella being a coward. She was the bravest person I'd ever met.

My eyes were still on the moon when I heard her walking out into the sand. She paused for a moment, and then steadily made her way to me. A slight breeze blew her scent in my direction. I breathed her in, letting the fragrance fill me. The burn that used to come so quickly was nothing more than a faint echo now. Instead, I could feel a very different reaction taking place in my body - a reaction that had nothing to do with vampire instincts.

The heat rolling off her body slammed into me as she approached from behind. The force of it was unchecked, with no barriers. I trembled internally when I realized that she had paused on the beach to drop all of her coverings. The burning that usually appeared in my throat - now took up residence much further south. I focused harder to keep my very human reaction to her nude figure in check. She drew up to my side and slid her hand gently over mine. Her touch immediately intensified the growing ache below the waterline.

"Beautiful," she commented.

"It's all right." I struggled to restrain the desire to sweep her into my arms and press her bare skin against me. Seeing her exposed body could send me tumbling over the edge, but I knew that I had to confront this head on. I moved to face her and quickly focused my eyes on hers. Her dark lashes and warm brown eyes were a refuge for me. I clung to them before my sight could be drawn lower. My finger wove through hers and I continued to gaze into her angelic face.

"But I wouldn't use the word _beautiful_," I continued. "Not with you standing here in comparison."

Her mouth tugged into a small smile, and she calmly placed her free hand over my quiet heart. Warmth spread from my chest. I shuddered with the need that flooded through my body. My breath became uneven, and muscles clenched as I fought the human in me to maintain control.

"I promised we would _try_. If… if I do something wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once," I said softly… my voice barely above a whisper. Silently I was begging her with my eyes to understand that I needed to go slowly.

She nodded in agreement, and seemed to understand what I was trying to tell her. Bella's eyes were free of all worry. I drew strength from the calm that was emanating from her. She moved towards me and placed her head against my chest.

"Don't be afraid. We belong together," she whispered with pure conviction.

The words couldn't be more perfect or true. I braced myself before I took her shoulders in my grasp, and carefully slid my hands over her back, feeling the bare skin. Gently, I pulled her against me. A hot flash of arousal shot through me at the feel of her exposed skin against my chest for the first time.

"Forever," I wholeheartedly agreed.

There were no barriers now…no conflicts… it was just us. It was Bella, my wife, my soul mate. And I knew it was time. With her trusting eyes still on mind - I slowly and tenderly pulled her out with me into deeper water.

As I shifted us away from the shallows, Bella leaned into me, allowing her weight to be completely supported by my arms. The moonlight reflected off her skin, and seemed to take on its own silver glow. My hand moved to cup her cheek, and I drew her closer until her nose almost touched mine. Her sweet breath swept over my face…drawing me in like a moth to a flame. I softly pressed my lips to hers as I'd done so many times before, but never had it felt the way it did now. The kiss was laced with anticipation. It was chaste and arousing at the same time. She began to slide her hands up my chest until they locked behind my neck. The blazing trail she left in her wake surged through me, and I felt my need for her as my body tightened below the water.

She pulled back slightly and stared intently at me, silently asking permission, before she slowly moved forward. My breath caught as her body… her _naked_ body, aligned with my own. She was slick, soft, and pressed against me. Bella's eyes widened and she let out a huff of surprise as the evidence of my arousal pressed into her abdomen. The contact was almost too much for me to bear, a small moan escaped as I fought the urge to rub against her. I swallowed nervously, sending a small trickle of venom down my throat.

Bella had never truly _felt_ me before. In fact, no woman had ever even seen me before, and I had no idea if she would be pleased or disappointed. She let out a shaky breath and a red blush flooded her cheeks. _What I wouldn't give to hear her thoughts at this moment! _Then the corners of her mouth tugged up and she smiled shyly. Her reaction was all I needed to drive me towards her mouth again. Our lips moved in perfect unison together, and she tugged slightly on my lower lip, nipping at it delicately. It was a delicious sensation and I wanted to feel more of it. The restrained human in me urged to kiss her harder…I was doing so well, I could manage a little more. My muscles clenched and held still as Bella moaned softly in reaction as I kissed her harder. _The sounds…_ how am I going to control myself when she makes those sounds? Suddenly, her mouth opened to me, and she swiftly ran her tongue across my lips. Her flavor was so sweet, so addicting. _God…I wanted her so badly!_ It was getting to be too much… I wanted nothing more than to kiss her fully with no restraint, but I couldn't let her near my teeth, it would be too dangerous. The temptation to allow her in began to overwhelm me. Reluctantly, I broke away from her lips, and began to drop kisses slowly along her jaw until I found the skin beneath her ear. Her fragrance was so unique and compelling. I knew that I shouldn't, my control was already teetering on the edge, but I couldn't stop myself from tasting more of her. She was so sweet, so tempting. Her head fell back and she gasped loudly.

"_Edward,_" she moaned, as I continued to swirl my tongue on her throat, arousing the sensitive nerves below her ear.

I momentarily lost sight of everything but the tantalizing picture of Bella with her creamy neck arched towards me… lips parted and uttering my name… ragged breaths escaping. Before I could stop myself, one hand weaved through her hair, and forcefully pulled her mouth to mine again. I wanted to feel more of her… wanted to taste her again. My tongue delved into her mouth and a groan echoed deep inside me when I felt hers for the first time. _Ah… so delicious, so warm, the flavor so intense, and all MINE!_ There was a small and persistent voice trying to say something in the back of my head, but I quickly dismissed it. So many times I'd imagined what it would be like to feel her kisses this way, and none of my fantasies could match up to the reality of it. She whimpered before her tongue responded with equal fervor. Her hands dropped to my shoulders, and she pulled herself closer to me. My body screamed in approval as my other hand wrapped possessively around her hip, and pulled her tighter against me. Another moan escaped when I felt the friction of her skin below the water rubbing against my length. My body was reeling with unfamiliar sensations - _so pleasurable… so good._ The small voice I'd heard before became louder and more insistent… but still I ignored it, there was no other choice. An intense heat was building between us. I felt as though the water itself was going to start boiling. It was happening so fast, but I didn't want to stop. I continued my ministrations in her mouth, reveling in the taste of her, delighting in the feel of her tongue playing against mine. I could hear and feel her heart thudding wildly in her chest – it was almost frantic.

Suddenly, her leg hitched around me and the heat from her center pressed dangerously against me. The need to feel all of her broke through like a tidal wave… I wanted to take her… I needed to take her, now! Visions of fervent love making flashed in my mind… I was losing all control, I had to stop!Instantly, I broke away and pushed Bella's body from mine, holding her at arm's length. She was gasping frantically – taking in huge breaths of air. My eyes were shut tightly against the disappointment I would surely see on her face. How could I have let myself get that far? The human in me had taken control so thoroughly, and I'd submitted to its will so quickly.

"Bella…" I began with my eyes still closed. My mind was racing with explanations and apologies. It was too fast - I wanted this as much as she did… but I needed to move slower. I needed time to adjust. Tentatively, I opened my eyes to look at her, and was shocked by the sight that greeted me. A small and understanding smile played at her mouth, and her eyes were gentle and forgiving.

"Its okay, Edward - We knew this wasn't going to be easy," she said softly. Her hand reached for mine, and she brought it to her lips. After laying a gentle kiss on my palm, she placed my hand on her silken cheek. "I trust you… you won't hurt me."

The words were spoken with such certainty - they echoed deeply in my being. It was as though she'd cast a talisman against the doubt and fear. She's was right, of course. How could I ever have thought I'd be able to hurt her? I stroked her skin with my thumb and took in the beautiful and brave woman before me.

"No... I could never hurt you," I agreed. Then I leaned down to reclaim the lips that beckoned to me.

Control seemed to have returned me. Deepening the kiss, I pulled her wet body close to mine once again, and lost myself in her. Slowly my fingertips traced lightly down the length of her back - familiarizing myself with the feel of her body. The delicate muscles that formed the valleys and hills of her figure shuddered in reaction. Her body was so responsive to the smallest touches; I marveled at the thought that I was causing the sensations of pleasure. Pulling back slightly, I traced the curve of her jaw with my lips, placing small kisses as I went down to the hallow dip above her collar. Inhaling deeply at her neck, I let her aroma saturated my mind. The burn in my throat mingled with the throbbing below in such an unexpected way. It was pain and pleasure twisting together to torture the seventeen year-old boy in me. The sensations were so new and unfamiliar - I couldn't help the increasingly ragged breath that was escaping. With each new intake of air, her scent intensified and washed through me. So much of her flesh was exposed - calling me to touch and feel more.

I followed her collarbone to the junction at the base of her throat, and began trailing kisses down her chest. Bella let out a breathy sigh of approval. Her hands twisted in my hair holding me to her. The strong thumping that pounded in her chest drew my senses to the left, and before I could stop myself, I was poised over the top of her breast with lips softly brushing the skin below. It was so loud. The blood rushing as it pumped wildly through the four chambers of her heart – calling me, taunting me. Closing my eyes tightly, I paused and held my breath as a quick burst of venom flashed through my mouth. _I can do this… I must ignore that instinct._

Instead, I refocused my thoughts to what lay below the water. The striking figure that I'd admired so many times, unbeknownst to Bella. The figure I'd fantasized about exploring with my hands and tongue, was within reach. A desire for her blood shifted completely to a desire to see the beautiful body in my arms. I wanted to see all of her, unfiltered, and with no barriers. My thoughts centered on the white bed that waited just yards away. As slow as we were going for my sake, I didn't want to push Bella faster than she was comfortable

"Bella, do you want…?"

"Yes, Edward," she whispered, without waiting to hear the rest of the question. "I'm ready."

As I walked us towards the sandy beach, my hand moved over the rise of her backside and easily lifted her to me, taking care to keep her high above my hips. She instinctually wrapped her legs around me, and brought her mouth to mine in a searing kiss. Resisting the urge to grind her hips into mine was almost painful. _My God, I wanted this woman so badly._ Walking slowly, I carried my love into the bedroom, and set her down at the foot of the bed. So much of what had transpired up until now had been instinct; I found myself uncertain as to what to do next. The call of her body was so strong. I was well aware that my restraint was far from perfect at this point.

As if sensing my indecision Bella reached up and pulled my face to hers whispering,

"Close your eyes, Edward."

After a moment of hesitation, I complied with her request, and felt her withdraw from me. Exposed and completely naked, my mind started to race. What was she doing? Why did she pull away? Before I could continue my train of thoughts, I sensed her moving around the room, and the rustling of fabric. I heard her swallow thickly before she spoke again.

"You can open them now," she called to me. Her voice cracked, and the tension in it was evident.

Complete shock took over at the scene that lay before me. On the center of the bed reclining on a sea of white cushions, was my goddess. Her dark, luxurious hair fanned out on the pillows framing her porcelain face. Her chocolate eyes held mine with a burning intensity that had never appeared before. A furious blush bloomed over her cheeks, and my eyes followed its path down to her heaving chest. I sucked in a tortured breath, and fought to control the lust that shot through me at the sight of her milky white breasts. There was nothing I wanted more than to feel them under my hands, to taste and tease their tips until Bella begged for more. Pale moonlight splashed across the flat planes of her abdomen, and reflected off the droplets of water that remained on her damp skin. My eyes were drawn lower to the bare expanse of skin that formed a v-shape by her slightly crossed legs. All that flowed through me now was a raw desire to claim the woman that lay before me. To possess her in a way that no one ever had, or ever would, save for myself.

Moving at inhuman speed, I pounced on top of her, and kissed her harder than I ever had allowed before. A deep groan rumbled through her chest, and her hands gripped at my waist tightly. She ground herself into my thigh creating deliciously intense friction between our bodies. Feeling her hot skin against my hardened length sent tingles down my spine. The heady scent of her arousal hung so heavily in the room, it was almost palpable. I reached for Bella's hands, and drew them above her head. Slowly, my fingertips slid down the smoothness of her arms until reaching subtle swells of flesh on her bosom. _God, was this truly happening? _I hungered for so long to be able to touch her like this. Taking a steadying breath, I tentatively palmed the soft mound, barely registering the weight in my hand. I watched in fascination as the pink tips hardened in reaction. Bella emitted a soft cry at the touch. She was beautiful in her pleasure – so mesmerizing. The texture of her skin here was so different from the rest of her – like the petals on a flower. It wasn't long before I gave into the lustful nature of the human boy in me, and moved to taste the delicate mounds. My tongue ran over the taught halos, and immediately I felt a sinful burn of ecstasy flow through me.

"Oh… Edward," she moaned softly. I froze as the sound of my name falling from her lips threatened to obliterate my restraint.

"God, please don't stop!" she begged.

No… I didn't want to stop sound she was making was enough to drive me into frenzy. I wanted desperately to hear more… to please her every desire. Her cries and moans continued to increase in volume as I licked and teased the wonderfully soft skin, driving her passion and lust to greater heights. Bella thrust her chest forward into my hands as I gently took the small bud between my fingertips, and pinched them ever so softly.

"Oh… yes!" she moaned encouragingly.

She immediately began to rock her hips against my leg harder. A primal growl ripped through me – closer… I needed us to be closer. I grasped at her thigh wrapped around my leg, and pulled her tightly against me, urging her to assuage her need. Ducking my head to suck roughly at the skin that was so sensitive to my manipulations, I coaxed more sounds of approval from Bella. My senses were sent reeling as she moved her body over mine, and her hot skin caressed my most sensitive part.

"Bella…" I whispered hoarsely into her ear. "I don't know if I'll be able to control myself."

"You can… Please! I want you… I need you," she cried her voice cracking with obvious desire.

Then her mouth was at the skin below my ear, drawing tingling patterns across my throat. The throbbing was getting to be almost painful… I wouldn't be able to hold back much longer. We'd denied ourselves for so long, and now... now there were no more restraints. She bit down roughly on my neck, and a sharp cry of pleasure erupted from me. There would be no more delaying now - I needed it… she needed it. With great difficulty, I steadied her hips with one hand, before brushing aside dark tangled locks from her face with the other. She was covered with a thin sheen of sweat. Her eyes were unfocused and confused at my movements. I could feel her body straining against my grip… desperately trying to resume the movements that were so pleasurable to both of us. Slowly, I moved my hand down her curves, and gently pulled her leg aside before positioning myself in the cradle of her legs. Bella's breath caught slightly as her lustful gaze turned to understanding and anticipation. With as much care as possible, I lowered myself over her form until I could feel my tip brushing at her opening.

Instantly, the proof of her heighted state was made evident by the wetness I felt. It was like lava… the heat that poured from her. I cringed as the want that flowed through me seemed to threaten my very sanity. My body demanded to steep itself deep inside of her, and let the rest of the world fall away. But I couldn't fall to my desires… not when I'd been able to come this far, and fulfill Bella's most ardent wish. I knew this next step would require all my concentration and will. My eyes raked greedily over her one last time, taking everything in. She looked feverish. Her lips were red and swollen from my earlier assaults, and her skin was flushed pink. This image of her… my captivating temptress, would be seared into my memory forever. Leaning forward, my lips ghosted over hers before I slid into her heady depths.

A deep moan echoed through me as her tightness closed around my length. Soft cries fell from Bella as I pushed into her. The heat that surrounded me was nothing I could have prepared myself for. Reminding myself of how fragile she was, I managed to hold onto to the last threads of control. Trembling with restraint, I pulled back slightly only to push myself further in until I could feel the last barrier standing between our completed union. Bella panted for breath beneath my hold, as her hot folds stretched to allow my intrusion. I could feel her body tensing in discomfort, and thought with regret, that I would soon be the cause of more pain. I swallowed thickly while cupping one hand at the nape of her neck, and the other around her shoulder, bracing her for what was to come next. She held my gaze and I kept my eyes on hers as I surged forward, breaking headlong into her core. Nothing in all my years of walking this earth could come close to the decadent waves of pleasure that coursed through my body. She gasped loudly when the pain registered, and clung tightly to my arms. Her eyes squeezed shut, and an errant tear escaped, leaving a wet streak behind. Guilt washed over me as I thought about the pleasure I felt when she was in pain. I leaned forward, pressing my forehead to hers, and whispered softly,

"Are you alright?"

"I'll be fine," she breathed. "Give me a moment."

The heated friction was indescribable… it was heaven on earth. I fought my baser instincts that yearned move - to ease the insatiable ache that had only grown in intensity. I would do whatever I could to make this easier for her. Less than a minute had passed when she moved slowly against me and moaned softly.

"It's okay," she rasped. "I'm okay."

I looked deeply into her eyes, and saw the apprehension melt into raw unconcealed lust. Her hands slid down the planes of my body, and came to rest as the base of my spine. My mind was hazy as I struggled to hold onto what remained of my control. I pulled back hesitantly, shaking with the effort to hold back, and slid smoothly in again - her wet skin massaging me the whole way. Bella panted heavily in my ear, and the scorching heat of her breath intensified the sensations elsewhere. She pulled at my waist, encouraging my movements, and spurring me on. It all felt so good… I wanted more of her…wanted more of the pleasurable sensations. The vampire in me had no idea what to do… but the man took over with a vengeance. As if commanded by some outside force, I began to move rhythmically, thrusting slowly into the heat that was Bella. Her heart pounded furiously in her chest as we rocked together, coaxing the euphoric sensations to radiate through each other's bodies. She bucked against me, and wrapped her legs around my waist pulling me in deeply. I growled gutturally as the new angle set my already raw nerves ablaze. _God… it was too good, I wouldn't last. _I squeezed her waist roughly to slow to motions that were bringing me too close to the edge. She groaned in protest, and tried to repeat her movements.

"God… Bella! I can't…"

"Please, Edward… don't stop… never stop," she panted huskily into my ear.

Her eyes were wild with unfulfilled need – almost pained. Bella wanted this… needed it, we both did. Suddenly, she shifted her legs higher on my waist, and deepened my penetration of her yielding flesh. Shivers traveled down my spine, and the feeling made me gasp in shock. A violent flash of lust pounded through me, and demanded appeasement. Before I knew it, I was driving myself into her again and again with barely contained fervor. One part of my mind desperately clung to the strings of sanity – looking for any sign of distress from Bella. But none was to be found as she responded with equal passion to the new pace. Her cries and groans becoming louder and more horse. A new feeling of intensity laced through me – a taste of what was to come. The sensation began to build quickly, like a river against a dam. I could feel her nails raking all over me, and her lips crashing madly onto my skin – trying to find purchase wherever she could. Her muscles began to twitch slightly, and blood rushed to the surface of her skin. My lower body was tight with tension as I fought the tempest gathering deep in my core. I was losing the battle against the flood of sensations. _There had to be a way to release the overflow_… I thought desperately. I removed my hands from Bella, and dug my fingers inches deep into the mattress – feeling the material and springs give way under my grip.

"Oh, God…" Bella cried out as she fisted her hands in my hair, and squeezed her eyes shut.

_Her pleasure - so stunning…_it was too much to watch. I buried my head in the pillows as Bella's body began to tremble, and her walls clenched me even tighter. It was so close… too close - I couldn't finish before her. In a last ditch attempt to quell my release, I bit viciously into the pillows, and poured all my yearning into ripping the cloth to shreds. A momentary break in the haze of pleasure granted me a few more moments. I moved faster and harder as I watched her beautiful face flush an even deeper red, and her mouth drop open.

"Edward, I…Oh!"

Her back arched off the bed and she shuddered as her peak flooded through her beautiful body. She sobbed out my name and, clung tightly to me as though her life depended on it. Her cries of satisfaction electrified my being. Reverberations of her pleasure shook the foundations of my control. I could feel cracks spider-webbing through the dam I'd held in place for so long. My entire body was shaking with restraint. Bella was still undulating beneath me reveling in the rapture of her own release, when I heard her silky voice whisper in my ear.

"Let go, Edward... let go."

And at her words, I was lost. With a cry of defeat, I plunged myself recklessly into her depths, and sought to assuage the longing for release. The world fell away, and I could only feel the alluring being in my arms as she met my assault with wild abandon. Her moaning and nipping brought me to the edge. I held onto to her tightly…a last anchor to reality. _So good…so close…_

My head fell back as I thrust into her one last time. The wall of control broke, and I was consumed by a blistering blaze of ecstasy. The only thing I was conscious of was the delicious feel of her slick walls encasing my release. It was exquisite torture. It was relief. It was the most intensely satisfying experience I'd ever known in 108 years of walking this earth. I felt…I felt…human. Time seemed to pause, and all that existed in this bubble was Bella and I. Not as vampire and human, but as a man and woman in love.

I collapsed next to Bella in a delicious state of exhaustion completely unfamiliar to my body. Echoes of pleasure continued to pulse through me as Bella's heart rate began to calm. Slowly the rest of my surroundings began to come into focus again. I gathered Bella into my arms. She relaxed decadently across my chest, and tucked her face into the curve of my neck with a happy sigh. Glancing down at Bella, I saw lazy grin spread over her face.

"What is it?" I asked with a smile.

"I was thinking... how much I love you," she replied softly, and snuggled in closer. I squeezed her tightly, and kissed her forehead in agreement.

"And how I could be happy doing this forever," she continued, while trying to stifle a yawn.

"We have forever. Sleep my love - there will be more nights like this one."

I watched her eyelashes flutter a few times before closing them as sleep quickly claimed her. We continued to exist in our perfect bubble – far removed from everything else. My mind and body were relaxed and sated. I'd never felt such peace and tranquility. It was as though I'd entered a semiconscious state – a pseudo sleep that I'd never know my kind could experience. Time passed, and I was blissfully unaware. I existed only in this moment with her. Hope burgeoned deep within me as I gazed at the sleeping enchantress. She was my salvation… my reason for carrying on what I had once believed to be a pointless and cursed existence. Through Bella's love, I was redeemed. Through her, I'd finally found the peace that had eluded me for so many years. And so it was here, in our bubble, that I remained for as long as time permitted. Lulled into a state of relaxation by the steady pounding of Bella's heart, and the rhythmic crashing of the waves.

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****A/N: So now that you've finally gotten chapter 5, let me know if the wait was worth it... or if it fell flat. Thanks for reading!**


	6. Morning After

**A/N: Sorry for the fake out, but this is unfortunately NOT a real update. After reading this chapter over and on the advice of my beta, I decided to split the chapter up so that it flows better. For the most part, everything will still correspond to the BD chapters, but now the numbering of chapters will not exactly match up to the ones in the book. As for what will now be considered Chapter 7... it's about half way done right now. Technology and I have a love/hate relationship and right now, we are in a hate phase. My beloved laptop, Pierce as I call him (he's British), has decided to flip me the big one and crashed on me. I found this to be quite annoying as he is only five months old. He is currently at the computer hospital (AKA: HP Service Center), along with all my creative writing files, including the half written chapter 7. I've continued to write, though it's now done the old fashioned way with a pencil and paper. I'm currently using boyfriend's computer and even if I finish the chapter this week, I still have to wait for my computer to come back in order to put the two halves together. Regrettably, it looks as though the soonest I'll get it back is in two weeks (I nearly had a heart attack when I was informed of this). So please bear with me... I promise I have not abandoned the story. And as always, thank you for reading and reviewing!**

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**All too soon, tendrils of light began to stream across the sky, breaking through the twilight that had blanketed our private retreat. As the light pinks and oranges of dawn began to spread across the room, I noticed a strange shadow on Bella's arm. Puzzled, I pulled back the covers to reveal more of her skin. The shadows were rapidly growing more pronounced, and it was then that I realized, with abject horror, what I was looking at. All over her creamy skin, angry bruises were blooming in patterns that were all too familiar. Agony filtered through me as my hands ghosted over the discolored skin. _What have I done?_ The one thing I swore never to do. I'd hurt her again.

Images of the previous night flashed through me, and I saw the events with new eyes. So careless! I had been so damn careless. My perfect recall saw the exact moments when I had held onto her too tightly. I saw when I had been too immersed in my own pleasure, that I had not noticed the strength of my grip on her fragile skin. I was a fool to think that it could be done without causing harm to her - a complete, unmitigated, selfish fool!

Dread and remorse continued to build in me as Bella slept late into the morning. What would she say when she saw the damage I'd inflicted on her? Would she finally understand the danger I am to her? Would she finally see me for the monster that I am? She began to stir in my arms, and I knew that she would soon wake up… mostly likely in pain. I swallowed with great difficulty as my eyes found the ugly bruises that marred her skin. With as much care possible, I delicately traced the outlines of the marks, as if I could somehow soothe the pain that would accompany them.

I knew the instant that she awoke. She shifted slightly, and pulled herself closer to me. My thoughts raged at me to move away from her. I didn't deserve the reward of her affection - surely she would realize that after she saw what I'd done to her. Unable to bear looking at her when she fully awoke, I focused on the white canopy of the bed. To my surprise I heard a soft laugh come from Bella. _What on earth could she possibly find amusing right now?_

"What's funny?" I asked.

As if on cue, her stomach rumbled loudly. She laughed again in response.

"You just can't escape being human for very long."

I knew she was expecting me to join her laughter, but there was no way I'd be able to find amusement in what I had done. I closed my eyes briefly, trying in vain to shut out the misery that had begun to descend like a dark cloud. Such a simple reminder of her humanity… of how utterly breakable she was.

"Edward, what is it? What's wrong?" she asked.

"You have to ask?" I shot back harsher than I'd intended to.

When she didn't respond, I finally focused on her face and instantly regretted my words. There, on her beautiful visage, were the physical reminders that I seemed unable to stop hurting her. Her face was twisted in a worried frown. Emotions began to flick across her face quickly but I couldn't discern what they meant. Lines of confusion wrinkled her forehead, and I swiftly reached up to smooth them away.

"What are you thinking?" I whispered, when the silence became too much to bear.

"You're upset. I don't understand. Did I…?" she trailed off.

Of course I was upset, but not with her. How could I not be upset at the damage I had caused? Of the pain I had inflicted.

"How badly are you hurt, Bella? The truth – don't try to downplay it."

"Hurt?" she asked, seeming genuinely surprised.

I watched tensely as she moved around experimentally, testing her muscles and limbs. My eyes didn't miss the slight shifts in her features when the pain made itself known. She was hurting, and trying to cover it up from me as she always did. Her eyes narrowed slightly at me.

"Why would you jump to that conclusion? I've never been better than I am now," she replied with a slight edge in her voice.

I closed my eyes in frustration. I knew she would make this difficult – makes excuses again for my reprehensible actions. She needed to understand that we couldn't play this game with her well being. I was wrong to have given in, wrong to have put my physical desires over her safety.

"Stop that."

"Stop _what?_"

"Stop acting like I'm not a monster for having agreed to this."

Her heart rate sped up, and I could feel the heat from her skin increase as she flushed with anger. Good… perhaps she is finally starting to see sense.

"Edward, don't ever say that," she whispered angrily.

"Look at yourself, Bella. Then tell me I'm not a monster."

Her gasp of shock snapped my eyes open, and I watched her face as she examined herself. Confusion spread over her features as she gingerly picked up some of the white feathers that were caked in her hair. I waited anxiously for the fear to come over her when she realized the damage she had suffered at my hands.

"Why am I covered in feathers?" she asked.

That threw me for a loop. The first thing she focused on was the trivial matter of _feathers?_

"I bit a pillow. Or two. That's not what I'm talking about," I responded with frustration. Would she always have this blind spot when it came to the danger I was to her?

"You… bit a pillow? _Why?"_

"Look, Bella!" I all but snarled at her.

Carefully, I reached over to show her the evidence of my betrayal.

"Look at _that._"

I grimaced as I saw her finally comprehending what I'd been trying to show her. It was painful to see her examining the marks along her frame. She pressed down on one of the bruises experimentally, and watched the skin changed colors. I reached for her out of instinct, out of the desire to sooth the pain. But as my hand neared her skin, the tools that caused her injuries became even more obvious. Intense remorse overcame me as I matched my fingers to the marks on her skin. There would be no doubt now that she now understood the full extent of what I'd done.

"Oh."

Her face was neutral now as the facts sunk in. What I wouldn't give to hear what she was thinking.

"I'm… so sorry, Bella. I knew better than this. I should not have -"

My words caught in my throat. Sorry would never be enough to express my remorse at my feckless behavior. But even now I couldn't tell her that I wished we hadn't made love. The memory of it was too good, too beautiful. A sound of disgust escaped me as I found that I couldn't tell her that what we did was a mistake. I couldn't bear taking back what had been the greatest moment of my existence.

"I'm more sorry than I can tell you," I finally continued, and covered my shame with my arm.

Bella was silent and unmoving. Then I suddenly felt her touching my arm, pulling at it in an attempt to move it away from my face. I wanted desperately to take her into my embrace, and let her heat burn away the guilt. But I knew that it wasn't a comfort I was deserving of.

"Edward."

I silently begged for her to stop there. I didn't want her assurances. I know that I had hurt her… why couldn't she just admit it?

"Edward?"

No… no, I wouldn't let myself off on this one. Nor would I allow her to dismiss it so easily.

"_I'm_ not sorry, Edward. I'm... I can't even tell you. I'm so happy. That doesn't cover it. Don't be angry. Don't. I'm really f—"

I suddenly snapped at that word.

"Do not say the word _fine_. If you value my sanity, do not say that you are fine."

"But I _am_," she whispered.

"Bella, don't."

"No _you_ don't, Edward," she replied sharply.

The sudden change in her tone brought my eyes to her face. She looked irritated and angry.

"Don't ruin this. I. Am. Happy," she said with complete conviction.

"I've already ruined this," I whispered.

"Cut it out," she snapped sharply.

I clenched my jaw at her stubbornness to acknowledge the obvious. This conversation seemed to be a repeating theme with us; my insistence of the danger, and her refusal to see it. I watched her carefully as she mulled her thoughts over - clearly I'd upset her. Was it possible for me to do anything right by her? Or was I destined to be a constant disappointment?

"Ugh!" she groaned abruptly. "Why can't you just read my mind already? It's so _inconvenient_ to be a mental mute!"

What? I couldn't help the surprise that flashed over my face. Since when has my inability to read her mind been a bad thing?

"That's a new one. You love that I can't read your mind."

"Not today."

"Why?"

She practically growled with frustration as she threw her hands up, and brought them down on my chest with a loud slap, which registered as nothing more than soft nudge.

"Because all this angst would be completely unnecessary if you could see how I feel right now! Or five minutes ago anyways. I_ was_ perfectly happy. Totally and completely blissed out. Now—well, I'm sort of pissed, actually."

Good! Finally some response that actually makes sense to this whole thing.

"You _should_ be angry at me."

"Well, I am. Does that make you feel better?" she snapped back.

I sighed loudly. If only it could be that easy.

"No. I don't think anything could make me feel better now."

"_That_," she quickly shot back. "That right there is why I'm angry. You are _killing my buzz,_ Edward."

I rolled my eyes at her ludicrous accusation. How could she possibly be thinking that my only indiscretion was forcing her to face facts? I didn't want her forgiveness… I didn't deserve it. I wanted her to understand how close we came to disaster. She stared at me for a moment… probably considering what her next defense of me would be.

"We knew this was going to be tricky. I thought that was assumed. And then—well, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. And this is really nothing," she said indicating the bruising on her arms.

Nothing? It was nothing?! I struggled to choke back the rage that took me by surprise. So she had expected my lack of control--this was supposed to be a positive outcome! Did she think so little of me that injuring her had been a given in her mind? I managed to hold back my emotions until I caught her last words and exploded with fury.

"Assumed? Did you _expect_ this, Bella? Were you anticipating that I would hurt you? Were you thinking it would be worse? Do you consider the experiment a success because you can walk away from it? No broken bones—that equals a victory?"

My chest was heaving as I fought to maintain my faculties. The anger burned out as quickly as it had come. I shouldn't have lost myself with her—it wasn't Bella's fault. She had stayed silent through my verbal outburst, and watched patiently until I managed to calm down.

"I didn't know what to expect—but I definitely did not expect how…how…just wonderful and perfect it was." She averted her eyes from mine, before continuing in a whisper. "I mean, I don't know how it was for you, but it was like that for me."

Instantly, I felt my anger softening. I gently pulled her chin up to look into her eyes, but she kept them down and away from me.

"Is that what you're worried about? That I didn't _enjoy_ myself?"

"I know it's not the same. You're not human. I was trying to explain that, for a human, well, I can't imagine that life gets any better than that."

I was speechless. She never ceased to surprise me with her thoughts. I didn't understand how she could think that I didn't enjoy myself. It was the most remarkable, and changing experience I'd ever had since the night I realized my love for her. Conflicting emotions coursed through me. It tore me apart that she thought I was disappointed in our love making. I could never put into words what it meant to me, but I was tortured by the fact that I had tainted what should have been a beautiful memory for her. When she finally looked at me her expression was heartbreaking – wounded and full of doubt.

"It seems that I have much more to apologize for," I said frowning as I searched for the right words. "I didn't dream that you would construe the way I feel about what I did to you to mean that last night wasn't… well, the best night of my existence. But I don't want to think of it this way, not when you were…"

"Really? The best ever?" she asked smiling slightly.

My silly Bella, how could she ever think that it wouldn't be? I took her face gently into my hands, trying to ignore how my thumb matched perfectly to the discoloration on her cheek.

"I spoke to Carlisle after you and I made our bargain, hoping he could help me. Of course he warned me that this would be very dangerous for you," I said as the memory of that conversation flashed in my mind, and I recalled his reassuring words.

"He had faith in me, though – faith I didn't deserve."

Bella immediately tried to object to my statement, but I quickly quieted her with two fingers before continuing.

"I also asked him what I should expect. I didn't know what it would be for me… what with my being a vampire. Carlisle told me it was a very powerful thing, like nothing else. He told me physical love was something I should not treat lightly. With our rarely changing temperaments, strong emotions can alter us in permanent ways. But he said I did not need to worry about that part - you had already altered me so completely."

I smiled as I remembered how 'helpful' my family had tried to be.

"I spoke to my brothers, too. They told me it was a very great pleasure. Second only to drinking human blood." I paused as I considered Emmett's words. "But I've tasted your blood, and there could be no blood more potent than _that_… I don't think they were wrong, really. Just that it was different for us. Something more."

"It _was_ more. It was everything," she replied earnestly.

I wanted desperately to believe her… I did. But couldn't fathom how it could be true in light of all the physical evidence of what I'd done.

"That doesn't change the fact that it was wrong. Even if it were possible that you really did feel that way."

"What does _that_ mean? Do you think I'm making this up? Why?"

"To ease my guilt. I can't ignore the evidence, Bella. Or your history of trying to let me off the hook when I make mistakes."

She grasped my jaw as firmly as her weak human grip could manage, and brought our faces a breath apart.

"You listen to me, Edward Cullen," Bella began sternly. "I am not pretending anything for your sake, okay? I didn't even know there was a reason to make you feel better until you started being all miserable. _I've_ never been so happy in all my life – I wasn't this happy when you decided that you loved me more than you wanted to kill me, or the first morning when I woke up and you were there waiting for me… Not when I heard your voice in the ballet studio or when you said 'I do' and I realized that, somehow, I get to keep you forever. Those are the happiest memories I have, and this is better than any of it. So just deal with it."

She looked defiantly at me, as if daring me to contradict her assertion. I realized then, that it was my behavior that was upsetting her so much. I reached up to smooth the frown lines that had appeared between her chocolate doe eyes.

"I'm making you unhappy now. I don't want to do that," I told her honestly.

"Then don't _you_ be unhappy. That's the only thing that's wrong here."

I considered her words for a moment. My poor temperament couldn't be allowed to sully our time here. After all, there would be no point in continuing to lambast myself for what I couldn't change now. All that I could do is make certain that I never put Bella in danger again. If that meant waiting until her change to make love to her again… then so be it. I took a deep breath, and nodded at my new plan of action.

"You're right. The past is past and I can't do anything to change it. There's no sense in letting my mood sour this time for you. I'll do whatever I can to make you happy now."

She gave me a doubtful look, which I returned with a reassuring smile.

"Whatever makes me happy?" she asked as her stomach protested loudly at being ignored for so long. I needed to be better at remembering Bella's dietary needs.

"You're hungry," I observed and quickly jumped from bed to get ready.

As I pulled my clothes on, Bella questioned me about the feathers that swirled around the bed like snow flurries. I winced slightly at the reminder of my actions during the night. There were feathers everywhere. I ran my fingers through my hair to free it of the troublesome fluff.

"I don't know if I _decided_ to do anything last night," I muttered darkly. "We're just lucky it was the pillows and not you."

Horrible images of what could have been swam before my eyes. Bella's broken body spattered in her own blood; her sparkling brown eyes looking lifeless and blank. I took a deep breath, and shook my head to clear the ugly thoughts from my mind. No, that wouldn't happen… I wouldn't let it. Turning to Bella, I smiled as brightly as I could. Alarming her was the last thing I wanted to do.

She moved off the bed, and stretched her body gingerly. A sharp gasp wrenched from my lungs when I saw the full extent of her injuries in the bright sunlight. The medical side of my mind immediately began evaluating the trauma on her body. Deep muscle contusions on one arm and thigh, moderate discoloration around the shoulders, and minor bruising around the 8th, 9th, and 10th ribs along her left side. There were various other marks on her neck and chest that I assumed were from my overly enthusiastic attentions. She looked as though someone had beaten her… that someone being me. I turned away in shame.

"Do I look that hideous?" Bella asked lightly.

I couldn't respond… I couldn't even turn to look at her. It was too awful. After Bella made her way to the bathroom, I turned to survey the room. Aside from the torn pillows and puncture holes in the mattress, the rest of the bed seemed relatively unscathed. Idly, I wondered if Alice had seen any of this, and informed Esme that I'd destroyed her pillows. I prayed silently that Alice would hold her tongue regarding anything that she might see of us here.

A low groan from Bella had me in the bathroom before she had even finished making the noise.

"Bella?" I asked. Quickly, I scanned her body again for anything that may have been missed the first time.

"I'll_ never _get this all out of my hair!" she groused, pointing to her head.

"You _would_ be worried about your hair."

Again with the feathers! With all the other things that were wrong, the feathers were her most pressing problem. I went to assist her futile attempts at getting the stubborn things out.

"How did you keep from laughing at this? I look ridiculous," she exclaimed.

Ridiculous was not the word I would have used to describe her current physical appearance. How could she find humor in all this? She seemed to get increasingly frustrated at the lack of progress in removing the feathers.

"This isn't going to work," she finally sighed. "It's all dried in. I'm going to have to try to wash it out.

Alarm bells began to sound loudly in my mind as she turned around, and wrapped her arms around my waist. She pulled her still naked body close to mine, and looked up at me with a mischievous glint in her eyes that I recognized all too easily. My traitorous body began to react to the feeling of her bare breasts against my chest. Already I could detect the tips hardening on my skin. Her sensual look of longing and lust was… _no, no, no….I couldn't! I'd hurt her again!_

"Do you want to help me?" she purred.

"I'd better find some food for you," I quickly responded. I didn't trust that I could say anymore lest I betray my thoughts. Hoping that I wouldn't hurt her feelings, I carefully pulled her arms from my waist, and swiftly left her alone in the bathroom. I didn't stop until I made it outside, and filled my lungs with the salty ocean air. Resisting Bella was going to be harder than ever now that I had a taste of how good it could be. A loud groan escaped as I realized the Pandora's Box I'd opened, could not be closed.

The sound of running water broke through my thoughts, and I listened intently until I was sure Bella was inside the shower. Shaking off images of her nude, wet figure, I made my way to the kitchen to prepare her lunch. Reviewing the various recipes I'd seen on TV, I ended up settling on a simple omelet. I quickly assembled the ingredients, and dropped them into the heated pan. My nose wrinkled as the revolting smell of bacon, cheese, and eggs wafted through the kitchen. Ugh… how anyone found this mass of dead animal products to be edible was beyond me! When it came time to season the eggs I found myself in a quandary. How am I supposed to salt to taste, if I can't taste? I couldn't even remember what food tasted like as a human. After hearing Bella approaching the kitchen, I took a haphazard guess, and tossed in a few shakes of salt, before sliding the repulsive concoction on a plate.

"Here," I said, placing it before her, hoping she'd find it to her liking.

She smiled briefly at me before devouring the food. I was a little taken aback by her enthusiasm. She must have been exceptionally hungry as she usually didn't eat with such gusto.

"I'm not feeding you often enough," I observed.

"I was asleep. This is really good, by the way. Impressive for someone who doesn't eat."

"Food Network," I grinned back – pleased that she enjoyed my cooking. All that research had paid off.

"Where did the eggs come from?"

"I asked the cleaning crew to stock the kitchen. A first, for this place. I'll have to ask them to deal with the feathers…"

My mind drifted back to the white room. I still wasn't completely sure how I was going to explain that to the humans. What plausible explanation was there for having ripped pillows to shreds? There was a lot of planning that I needed to do in order to make the rest of our trip run smoothly, with no more 'mistakes'. Bella was not going to be happy with this.

I watched her as she finished all the eggs, and turned to flash a smile at me.

"Thank you."

She leaned across the table, and instinctively I met her soft lips halfway. Her heart began to thrum faster, and I quickly pulled myself away before we got too carried away. Not even a few hours in to the day, and already resisting her was proving to be a challenge. Bella eyed me with suspicion.

"You aren't going to touch me again while we're here, are you?" she deciphered.

And to think, I had once called her 'exceptionally unobservant'. She was far too astute for her own good. I didn't want to upset her again, but I wouldn't lie to her about this. All physical contact wasn't out of the question… just one particular kind. I smiled at my attempt at a half truth, and reached out to touch the shadow on her cheek. A reminder to myself of what would happen should my restraint fail. Her eyes closed momentarily as she leaned into to my touch. She was so soft and fragile.

"You know that's not what I meant," she said pointedly. Her eyes drilled directly into mine. My hand fell away from her face and I sighed.

"I know. And you're right," I said with resignation. This would test all my strength, but it had to be done. I couldn't risk being physical with her again while she was human. It wouldn't be easy, but it was best for her… she would have to see it my way. "I will not make love with you until you've been changed. I will never hurt you again."


	7. Distractions, Part I

**A/N: Okay, I suck. There is no other way to explain my LONG absence. There were the usual distractions of school and real life. And then there were the more pleasurable kind, such as taking my first creative writing class and falling in love with the craft all over again. Other stories have popped into my mind and refused to leave until I wrote them down. I don't plan on posting those until they are finished. But anyways please forgive me. This is only part one of chapter 7, hopefully part two will be along shortly after. Thanks for sticking with me even if I'm crap at updates - EA**

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Chapter 7: Distractions

"Edward, look!" Bella called to me with unbridled enthusiasm. "They have babies!"

Her face lit up with excitement as she reached over and gingerly patted the sleek shapes that broke the surface around her. I laughed quietly from the beach as Bella squealed with delight and surprise when one of the female spotted dolphins nosed the small of her back. I had to congratulate myself on this particular idea. She'd never had a chance at resisting the idea of swimming with dolphins. I felt a small twinge of regret that I couldn't join her in this activity, but it was enough for me to see the joy on her face. The dolphins, like all other animals, could sense me in the water the way they could a shark. To them, I was just another predator, but Bella seemed to have drawn their curiosity. I watched as the gentle waves of the cove broke around her, spraying her face with a fine mist. Her dark hair was half dry and curled into wild tendrils around her sun kissed shoulders. She radiated happiness as the dolphins continued to frolic around her - investigating the strange creature that stood in their midst.

Leaning back to relax in the soft blanket covered sand, I allowed my thoughts to drift to the unusual problem that most new husbands never had to deal with - how to keep myself from making love to my willing and eager wife. I'd toured her around half the island, not to mention the snorkeling, water caves, and a few visits to the tree tops. When she suggested staying in to watch movies earlier today, I thankfully remembered the pod of dolphins that frequented this lagoon. But no matter how hard I racked my brain, slowly and surely, I was running out of activities to keep us out of the house and away from the bedrooms. Bella, for her part, was making it extremely difficult. She hadn't missed a beat in trying to corner or cajole me every chance she got. Holding back from her was getting harder by the hour. It was torturous to rebuff her advances, but I simply couldn't bear the thought of injuring her again. Every time I'd come close to giving into our desires, the bruises on her skin served to remind me that I was still too dangerous.

As I watched her swimming in the pristine blue water, the traitorous thoughts continued to roil in my mind. I wanted her now more than ever. If withholding had been difficult before, knowing precisely what I was missing made it nearly unbearable. Even now, during a seemingly innocent activity I couldn't stop myself from leering at her tempting figure. The emerald green two piece number that she was currently in hugged her body like a second skin and showed off her soft feminine curves. But it was her legs that drew my gaze. Her creamy shapely legs, that just days ago were wrapped tightly around my hips, urging me to please her. The memory came crashing back to me and my body reacted instantly to the images flowing through my mind. Bella covered in sweat and moaning my name…. _God, I was such a masochist!_ I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head, trying to clear the pictures from my mind.

This whole situation was rapidly becoming ridiculous. After having spent 90 years learning to control my vampire instincts, I found that I could barely manage to keep the human reactions in check. It was embarrassing to say the least, having to strategically hide signs of my arousal from Bella as though I was some common human male. I heard Bella making her way back from the water and sighed loudly, wondering what I was going to do.

"Edward, you're going to get sunburned laying out like this," her musical voice teased.

I glanced down briefly at my gleaming skin as it threw prisms of color across the blanket, and looked up to find the object of my lust hovering over my body, with a mischievous smile playing at her lips. I grinned back at her.

"Mm… well, you know me," I replied dryly. "I like to get a bit of color whenever I can."

She burst into a fit of giggles as she collapsed onto the blanket and snuggled into my body while resting her head on my shoulder. Immediately I wrapped my arms around her and brought her closer. Breathing in deeply, I took in the unique scent of Bella and the ocean mingled together. It was almost impossible for me to continue worrying about our situation. How could I think of anything but the gorgeous women in my arms?

"Thank you for bringing me here," she whispered softly into my ear. "I'd never even seen dolphins in person before."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it, love."

She shifted slightly and nuzzled my neck. Her hand began to trace the lines of muscles across my chest. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the delicious effects her fingers were generating. I was treading dangerous waters, but couldn't help giving into the desire to let her continue. Just a little longer - just a few more moments surely wouldn't hurt. My hands dug into the sand when I felt her lips teasing the skin just below my ear. A pleasurable sensation began to snake its way through my body. I should stop her now, before-

"Mmm…" she moaned, "You feel warmer." The sensation of Bella's fingertips softly grazing my bare skin was exquisite. Her touch drifted lower and my body shuddered in reaction. Swiftly, my hand flew up to still hers before she could reach the waistband of my swimsuit. I released a shaky breath and attempted to compose myself. _Stupid, Edward! Stupid, stupid! What was I thinking?_

"Bella, perhaps we should head back. You must be getting hungry," I managed to choke out without sounding like I was going to implode. I chanced a glance at her face and my heart dropped when I saw disappointment and shame dominating her features. Her downcast mood immediately made me feel dreadful. This was exactly what I had been trying to avoid.

Helping her to her feet we quickly packed the beach bag that held human necessities for Bella and headed back. We walked back in an uncomfortable silence. I wanted to say something to comfort her, but what more was there to say? She knew why I had stopped her and nothing I said would make her feel better about it.

When we reached the house Bella mumbled her intentions to take a shower before dinner and quickly left me alone in the foyer. I hadn't meant to hurt her feelings. I never mean to hurt her and yet it seems to be happening at an alarming rate. She must know that I would do anything to please her. At least anything that didn't involve putting her in mortal danger. I sighed heavily, wondering silently to myself how much further she was going to push this.

~~~*~~~

I didn't have to wait too long for my answer. After watching her devour the entire dinner I cooked in a manner that made me think I wasn't feeding her enough, we retreated to the bedroom. She had been withdrawn during dinner, but didn't appear to be sad. More than once I'd startled her at dinner with a question or comment. It seemed as though she was in deep thought and given the recent events, I didn't think that it boded well for me or our situation.

While Bella readied for bed, I stripped off my shirt and changed into the black silk lounge pants Alice had insisted on buying for me, despite my objections. What does one who doesn't sleep, need sleepwear for anyway? Slipping into bed, I leaned against the antique bed frame that Esme had lovingly restored and tried to prepare myself for Bella's latest test on my self control. For the past few nights she has been perfecting a mind game I'd taken to calling, "Breaking Edward." As if it weren't hard enough to keep my desires from raging out of control under normal conditions, Bella had begun to test my restraint further.

The silky soft nightgowns she had been donning recently had my nerves stretched as taught as the strings on a violin. Lying next to her night after night while she slept, covered in only the thinnest of fabrics, had driven me to within an inch of my sanity. At least twice during each night I'd resorted to sitting on my hands to keep them away from her. I'd nearly broken my own vow last night when she had shifted under the covers and revealed that the ivory silk had ridden up to her waist. I'd nearly attacked her then and there when I saw the equally alluring set of underwear barely covering her soft curves. After quickly pulling the comforter over her, I'd found myself swimming laps around the island for the rest of the night - anything to keep the tawdry thoughts from running through my mind.

I mentally braced myself for whatever frilly lust inducing frock she decided to taunt me with tonight. Never had I been more thankful for Bella's modest nature. The bathing suits had been bad enough, but at least we hadn't been near the bed. Who knows if I'd be able to resist anything more than the chaste coverings she'd been wearing.

One thing that I did know for sure - I was going to throttle Alice when we returned home! She must think me a fool if she thought I wouldn't figure out who was behind Bella's seduction wardrobe. I knew something was amiss when she came home from a shopping trip toting La Perla bags and reciting Shakespearean sonnets in her head. I assumed it had to do with her private time with Jasper and willingly tried to stay out of her head. Clearly I'd been mistaken about her intentions. I hoped she was getting a vision of her demise at my hands right now.

I was still contemplating retaliation plans when Bella finally emerged from the bathroom and - _Holy heaven and hell, is this woman mad!? Does she have a death wish!?_ It took every ounce of self control I possessed to keep from launching myself at the vision I could scarcely believe I was seeing. The careful mask of calm I'd been desperately projecting dropped for a second – I couldn't help it. In place of my angelic, innocent Bella, was a seductive vixen wearing black lace - filmy, see through, barely there black lace. I could make out every rounded curve that just begged to be caressed, nibbled, and licked. I swallowed thickly and quickly tried school my face before she could notice how affected I was by her new choice in sleepwear. But she had definitely noticed and a smug smirk of satisfaction spread over her face. Quite obviously, I'd underestimated the lengths she'd go to in order to get her wish.

"What do you think?" she asked innocently as she twirled around. I caught site of her rounded bottom peeking out from under the scraps of lace masquerading as underwear. Oh yes… I'd definitely underestimated her powers of persuasion. I cleared my throat hoping to dispel any signs of weakness on my part.

"You look beautiful. You always do," I answered honestly. She also looked so damned alluring that it was taking all my will to stop myself from ripping that poor excuse of a nightgown from her body.

"Thanks," she frowned. This was not the reaction she'd been expecting, but it was one time I was not sorry to disappoint her.

She sighed wearily, climbing into bed, and settling into my arms as per our usual nighttime ritual. As taxing as it could be sometimes, I was grateful the heat allowed her to sleep against me without getting too cold. I squeezed her tightly to me before relaxing back myself.

"I'll make you a deal," she said suddenly. Right away I was wary. The last one we made had ended most disastrously.

"I will not make any deals with you," I answered firmly.

"You haven't even heard what I'm offering."

"It doesn't matter."

She sighed dramatically, "Dang it. And I really wanted… Oh well."

I rolled my eyes at her obvious attempt to bait me. I wouldn't be so easily played. There was absolutely nothing that she could offer me that would be worth risking her safety again. I knew what she would want from me, but what would she have been willing to give on her part? What could she think I would want so badly as to give in on the no sex rule? I mulled the different possibilities in my head for a moment and could come up with nothing. She knew exactly how to get to me. Perhaps it wouldn't hurt just to hear what she had to say. I didn't have to agree to anything and the curiosity was getting the better of me. God I was pathetic.

"All right," I finally caved in defeat. "What is it you want?"

"Well, I was thinking… I know that the whole Dartmouth thing was just supposed to be a cover story, but honestly, one semester of college probably wouldn't kill me," she began. My body stiffened with tension… _Please not that – anything but that_. I could see where she was going with this and I knew I was headed for trouble. She continued on, not noticing the change in my demeanor. "Charlie would get a thrill out of Dartmouth stories, I bet. Sure it might be embarrassing if I can't keep up with all the brainiacs. Still… eighteen, nineteen. It's really not such a big difference. It's not like I'm going to get crow's feet in the next year."

"You would wait. You would stay human," I said out loud to confirm I'd heard right.

Of all the things to offer in a trade… she had to go for the one thing that I desperately wanted - to keep her human for as long as possible. For a brief and shameful moment I actually considered her proposal. The idea of giving her the college experience as a human was so tempting. Even better than that would be postponing the moment where I would be forced to take the life of the person that meant more to me than anything in this world. And here she was giving me an out… a way to keep her heart beating longer.

In order to keep her alive, I had to put her at risk… _impossible!_ The frustration of our situation was maddening. How could she put me in this position knowing how dangerous I was to her?

"Why are you _doing_ this to me?" I burst out through gritted teeth. "Isn't it hard enough without all of this?" I furiously grabbed at the delicate lace gathered at her thigh and almost groaned out loud at the sight of her pale skin against the black lace. It would be so easy to push the hem further up her thigh, so easy to indulge the desire to touch more of her skin. I didn't realize I'd been gripping the lace so tightly until I could hear the seams giving slightly under my strength. Quickly I relaxed my hand and took a deep breath. I was sorely tempted to give in… just this once. And then I saw the shadow of a bruise lurking just beneath the surface of her skin… almost healed, but still a glaring testament to my lack of control. My reminder of what would happen should my will fail.

"It doesn't matter. I won't make any deals with you."

"I want to go to college," she replied.

"No, you don't. And there is nothing that is worth risking your life again. That's worth hurting you."

"But I _do_ want to go to college," she insisted. "Well, it's not college as much as it's that I want – I want to be human a little while longer."

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. Lord, she was exhausting! One minute she was offering her humanity to me as if it had no value to her whatsoever, and the next, she was telling me she wanted to hold onto her human body longer. It was so frustrating not to be able to read her mind. If I could, I might at least have some idea as to how she came to reverse her previous stance on her mortality.

"You are making me insane, Bella," I told her. "Haven't we had this argument a million times, you always begging to be a vampire without delay?"

"Yes, but… well, I have a reason to be human that I didn't have before," she replied, her cheeks reddening slightly.

"What's that," I asked, though I had a pretty good idea what she was thinking.

"Guess," she smirked and raised herself off the bed, hovering over me for a second before pressing her lips to mine. Keeping a tight rein on my response, I carefully kissed her back without encouraging further actions. As I felt her trying to move over me, I gently pushed her back and settled her against my chest securely.

"You are _so _human, Bella. Ruled by you hormones," I laughed quietly.

"That's the whole point, Edward. I _like_ this part of being human. I don't want to give it up yet. I don't want to wait through years of being a blood-crazed newborn for some part of this to come back to me," she argued before yawning hugely.

Ah… finally! I knew she was tired and this argument would be ended when she fell asleep, which looked to be very soon.

"You're tired. Sleep, love," I encouraged softly. Then I pulled out a move I knew to be her weakness and began humming her composition.

"I wonder why I'm so tired," she mumbled sarcastically. "That couldn't be part of your scheme or anything."

I couldn't contain the laughter. She was so astute, my Bella. Of course she had known all along what my plan had been. I continued to hum, hoping to lull her into sleep.

"For as tired as I've been, you'd think I'd be sleeping better," she yawned.

That was surprising. She had been sleeping so deeply over the past few days that she wasn't even sleep talking anymore. In fact, I found myself missing her nocturnal mumblings. If it weren't for the snoring and her regular heartbeat I would have thought she was in a coma. I told her all of this and she seemed surprised to hear that she hadn't been tossing and turning.

I listened intently as she described the nightmares she'd been having. It seemed so strange to me that dreams about color were scary. She was hiding something bigger, I could tell. I had to know what was behind the obvious fear and asked what was frightening her.

"The Volturi," she answered back, her voice barely above a whisper.

"They aren't going to bother us anymore. You'll be immortal soon, and they'll have no reason," I said and hugged her to me fiercely. She had nothing to fear from them… I would always be here to protect her.

Bella nestled herself closer to my chest and buried her face in my neck. After a few minutes of silence I looked down at her and was shocked at the complete despair etched across her face.

"What can I do to help?" I asked. My concern for her grew exponentially. What could make her look so disturbed?

"They're just dreams, Edward," she shook her head dismissively.

"Do you want me to sing to you? I'll sing all night if it will keep the bad dreams away."

"They're not all bad. Some are nice." She smiled thoughtfully as though reliving the memory of the dreams. "So… colorful. Underwater, with the fish and the coral. It all seems like it's really happening – I don't know that I'm dreaming. Maybe this island is the problem. It's really _bright _here."

"Do you want to go home?"

"No. No, not yet. Can't we stay awhile longer?"

"We can stay as long as you want, Bella," I assured her.

"When does the semester start? I wasn't paying attention before."

I stifled a groan and instead sighed in exasperation at her persistence. As far as I was concerned that discussion was closed. There would be no room for compromise on this issue. Instead of answering her, I simply began humming her song until her breathing confirmed she was deep asleep.

~~~*~~~

A few hours later, I was still sitting against the head board listening to Bella breath as she slept with her head resting just below my chest. The time that she slept was a curious time for me. Mostly I was simply content to lie next to her and enjoy the heat that radiated from her body. Sometimes I would read a book. More recently my nights had been spent thinking about Bella's impending change.

To say I was conflicted would be an understatement. I couldn't help but feel it was selfish to find happiness in what would essentially be the death my wife. True she wouldn't really be leaving this world, but she would never again be human. I gazed at her sleeping form and drank in the features that would soon be forever altered. Earlier in the week she had asked me what I would miss most about human Bella. Not wanting to hurt her feelings, I gave a vague answer about the way her cheeks blush. The truth was that I would miss everything about her human body. I lightly stroked her bare shoulder, enjoying the heat of her skin before it became like mine. Yes, I would miss that. I would miss watching her sleep and murmur her unguarded thoughts. But most of all, I would miss her heartbeat. A sound that had become so ingrained in my own being that I was sure when it stopped beating; I would feel a part of myself dying as well.

But another part of me was exultant. Part of me, the incredibly selfish part of me, couldn't wait for Bella to join me in eternity – to be my equal physically - the way she always had been emotionally. I couldn't wait to hold her without fear of crushing her; kiss her without fear of hurting her. I wanted to be there and watch as she tested her body's new strength. And most of all, I wanted to make love to her on my own terms. I wanted her to feel the intensified sensations that come with intimacy. Perhaps I was a rogue to think about sex as often as I did, but I couldn't deny that it has been on the forefront of my thoughts during our stay. I was, after all, on my honeymoon. Despite what Bella may think, abstaining had not been easy. For goodness sake, I'd been a man of 'virtue' for over 90 years, who had also been privy to every sexual fantasy, memory, and desire of those around me; both human and vampire. If only she could wait… just a little longer, we could spend the next century exploring each other.

I was drawn sharply from my musings when Bella suddenly bolted up out of my arms gasping wildly for air. Her eyes fluttered rapidly and confusion clouded her face. I quickly followed suit and pulled her back against my chest.

"Bella?" I asked, wondering what had pulled her so violently from her deep sleep. "Are you all right sweetheart?"

"Oh," she gasped again. I was stunned when her features crumpled into a look of despair and rivers of salty tears began to course down her face.

"Bella!" I cried, my mind surged with panic. "What's wrong?"

Gently, I grasped her face in my hands and turned her so I could see her eyes – uselessly trying to wipe the tears away. I didn't know what to think. What on earth could have caused this kind of reaction? Looking deeply into her watery brown eyes, I tried to discern the emotions that were flooding down her cheeks. She held my gaze for only one heartbreaking second, before squeezing them shut as her body shook violently with more gut wrenching sobs.

"It was only a dream," she choked out between heaving breaths.

_Dreams… dreams caused this?_

_No,_ my mind answered back. _Nightmares…the Volturi._ My jaw clenched as a wave of anger descended upon me. She must have had a nightmare about those accursed vampires. Vampires she would have never encountered were it not for me. I pulled her tighter into me, rocking her back and forth, trying desperately to offer some shred of comfort.

"It's okay, love, you're fine," I said, kissing the top of her head fiercely. "Did you have another nightmare? It wasn't real, it wasn't real."

I wanted so badly to make her feel better. Every tear was like a red hot poker straight to my heart. I wondered if she would ever have peace in the remaining nights of sleep she had left. Pulling away slightly, she rubbed at her blood shot eyes as quiet hiccups shook her lithe frame.

"Not a nightmare ," she replied, shaking her head forlornly. "It was a good dream."

My brow furrowed in confusion. "Then why are you crying?"

"Because I woke up," she sobbed and threw herself into my arms. Her face buried into my neck and hot tears streamed down my chest. I was so thankful that her outburst had nothing to do with the Volturi, a light laugh escaped me before I could stop it. I didn't want Bella to think I wasn't taking her seriously, but truly, I was relieved.

"Everything's alright, Bella," I soothed. "Take deep breaths."

She pulled herself closer to me. "It was so real. I wanted it to be real." Her voice, though muffled by my skin, was still distraught.

"Tell me about it. Maybe that will help."

"We were on the beach…" she began, pulling away to face me. Bella's dark brown eyes glistened in the moonlit bedroom and her face fell into an inscrutable mask of deep thought. The silence became unbearable. I had to know what had upset her so deeply.

"And?" I asked, encouraging her to continue. She looked as though she was fighting an internal battle.

"Oh, Edward…"

I'd never heard her sound so broken and full of anguish. Not since that unforgivable day in the woods. "Tell me, Bella," I begged. Her mouth opened as if to speak, but instead she launched herself forward and wrapped her arms tightly around my neck. Her soft breasts crushed against the bare skin of my chest, separated only by the sheerest of lace. The scorching heat and sweet taste of her mouth was on mine in an instant.

My body responded quickly to her assault. The desire I'd buried so deeply all week exploded over me, unexpected and nearly uncontrollable. I grabbed her gently about her shoulders and moved her firmly back at arm's length. "No, Bella."

_Was she crazy? What was going on in that head of hers?_ I looked at her tear streaked face, and it all clicked into place. The beach. She dreamed of us on the beach… the way we had been earlier today before I'd put a stop to it.

She was upset because of me. Her tears were because of me.

"I'm s-s-s-ory," she wept, looking down at her limp hands. Her shoulders dropped inward miserably. The site of Bella, my beautiful wife, sitting there before me, a defeated shadow of the woman I loved was too much. I pulled her towards me, securing her trembling form against my chest. Potent swirls of her scent wafted up from her overheated body. I ached to feel her wrapped around me again. I wanted her - more than anything. _Not possible. Her safety comes first!_

"I can't, Bella, I can't," I moaned in frustration. It was agonizing to reject her. My body was at war with my mind. It would be so easy to surrender to its demands. So easy to reach out and take what was being freely offered. Everything about her was calling out to me. I knew it didn't have to be this way; I could make her feel good. I could turn her tears of torment into pants of pleasure. My restraint had already begun to crumble and with Bella pressed against me, I teetered precariously on the edge of indecision. _Just do it! She wants you…. Needs you. Take her!_

"Please," she begged softly, her voice fraught with desire. "Please, Edward?"

At that moment, I knew that I'd lost the battle. How could I resist any further, when Bella was pleading with me to ease her need… our need?

As leaned forward press my lips to hers a million different thoughts and warnings flashed through my mind, but the moment the soft hot skin met my own, the noise was silenced. The vampire, with all of his misgivings, retreated into the depths of my mind and Edward the man reached out to claim his wife as his once again.

* * *

**E/N: What did you think? Good? Bad? Eh? Let me know!**

** Preview for part 2:**

** "Please don't stop!" She squirmed beneath me, arching her body closer to mine. Her chest was heaving and her pupils were dilated… she looked so beautiful. No, I didn't want to stop either. I wanted this as much as she did.**


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